I have the opportunity to do some guest blogging. I'm thinking it will be good to publicize this blog as well as my new business blog on Wordpress. (See list of blogs on left for link)
I can't believe I totally forgot to link my first guest blog post ever on being a virgin. It's on a thirtysomething blog I really enjoy reading. She hasn't updated in a while though!
"Confessions of a Thirty-Something Virgin" can be found here.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
The Last 100 Days...
Seriously, it would be nice if things slowed down a bit. :) So, of course, as I should have expected, my boyfriend is now my fiance much, much sooner than I anticipated. I thought for sure he would wait a little while longer, but it turns out he's been waiting since early May. It's very, very strange to say that I am down to my last 100 days as a bachelorette.
The trip to Destin that started this path was wonderful and quirky and frustrating. It rained the entire time, save for a few moments where we could play some mini golf or walk along the beach. The drive to and from there took entirely too long, and there were a lot of very exasperating moments. But it has all been worth it. The millions of texts and e-mails soliciting wedding advice, assistance... Practicing signing my new name...The constant Facebook updates, and my loyal friends who like every post, just because it's something even remotely related to the wedding or to my relationship.
Strange how the travel agent and the event planner burst out of me during times like these. I've managed to come up with a lot of wedding stuff in a very short time. Somehow, though, the enjoyment level is waning. I'm hoping after tomorrow, I can not think about weddings for at least a few days. I wonder if that's possible. I do know that after these past several days, the planning is becoming stressful, and I know it's time to pause.
Since our engagement, I've definitely started to settle into our relationship. I'm beginning to understand his vocal and facial cues, know what to say to him, how to express my feelings. However, wedding planning has done nothing but made this process a lot more difficult. I'm constantly waiting on someone to call...constantly thinking about the next step...
How come he doesn't care that we need at least two more sets of linens?
Shouldn't he be excited I'm picking one of his favorite colors?
Why won't he listen to me when I say we need to get (*insert wedding task here*) done now?
Why these ridiculous thoughts have crossed my mind is beyond me, as they came from the same brain that also doesn't see the need to buy clothing more often than once a year.
Really, though, ever since I moved in, I've "forgotten" about my single life. About how sad or emotional I'd become around the holidays...how ridiculously lonely it felt to watch TV with noone to make random comments to. The only time I remember what it's like to be single is when I'm lying awake in bed, and I can't fall asleep, because there's someone next to me. A soft, cozy body pillow who happens to come with its own sleeping soundtrack. He keeps me awake at night, but at the same time, how nice it is to have someone to watch sleep if I have insomnia. Or someone who will instinctively snuggle closer to me if I turn.
Singlehood seems like ages ago. And I really don't miss it.
Of course, it's only been a few months. I heard about this whole seven-year itch thing....is that really true? Every once in a while, one of us will ask if we will get tired of each other. Despite my fiance's analytic brain, when it comes to us, he is ever the optimist. We will always be just as caring with one another as we are now. Even after many years of marriage....and maybe kids...and frustrating years on the job... Doesn't seem possible (I guess I'm the realist of the pair?), but his heart is in the right place, and that's all that matters.
This little bauble has changed everything.
The trip to Destin that started this path was wonderful and quirky and frustrating. It rained the entire time, save for a few moments where we could play some mini golf or walk along the beach. The drive to and from there took entirely too long, and there were a lot of very exasperating moments. But it has all been worth it. The millions of texts and e-mails soliciting wedding advice, assistance... Practicing signing my new name...The constant Facebook updates, and my loyal friends who like every post, just because it's something even remotely related to the wedding or to my relationship.
Strange how the travel agent and the event planner burst out of me during times like these. I've managed to come up with a lot of wedding stuff in a very short time. Somehow, though, the enjoyment level is waning. I'm hoping after tomorrow, I can not think about weddings for at least a few days. I wonder if that's possible. I do know that after these past several days, the planning is becoming stressful, and I know it's time to pause.
Since our engagement, I've definitely started to settle into our relationship. I'm beginning to understand his vocal and facial cues, know what to say to him, how to express my feelings. However, wedding planning has done nothing but made this process a lot more difficult. I'm constantly waiting on someone to call...constantly thinking about the next step...
How come he doesn't care that we need at least two more sets of linens?
Shouldn't he be excited I'm picking one of his favorite colors?
Why won't he listen to me when I say we need to get (*insert wedding task here*) done now?
Why these ridiculous thoughts have crossed my mind is beyond me, as they came from the same brain that also doesn't see the need to buy clothing more often than once a year.
Really, though, ever since I moved in, I've "forgotten" about my single life. About how sad or emotional I'd become around the holidays...how ridiculously lonely it felt to watch TV with noone to make random comments to. The only time I remember what it's like to be single is when I'm lying awake in bed, and I can't fall asleep, because there's someone next to me. A soft, cozy body pillow who happens to come with its own sleeping soundtrack. He keeps me awake at night, but at the same time, how nice it is to have someone to watch sleep if I have insomnia. Or someone who will instinctively snuggle closer to me if I turn.
Singlehood seems like ages ago. And I really don't miss it.
Of course, it's only been a few months. I heard about this whole seven-year itch thing....is that really true? Every once in a while, one of us will ask if we will get tired of each other. Despite my fiance's analytic brain, when it comes to us, he is ever the optimist. We will always be just as caring with one another as we are now. Even after many years of marriage....and maybe kids...and frustrating years on the job... Doesn't seem possible (I guess I'm the realist of the pair?), but his heart is in the right place, and that's all that matters.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
A New Grown-Up Adventure Awaits
It still seems a bit unreal. Perhaps when I start working again, it will finally hit me. I'm finally "on my own" again. It took 11 years to get back to this place. Of course, I have a lot of help from my amazing boyfriend. Without him, I don't think I would be able to get started so quickly.
I cannot believe it only took 8 months for my life to change forever. I did not realize blatant, harmless flirting would lead me to this point, but here I am. I am ready, but I am scared to death. It wasn't too long ago, I posted about the woes of long-distance dating, and how he and I were able to cope. I didn't realize until one week ago that we would be saying goodbye for the last time so soon.
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| Me and my guy at my birthday party in Feb. 2012. My last big gathering in my hometown. :) |
So I left all of the familiarity and comfort of home and ventured into a new city. I have to start all over and really put into action all of the "adult" things I've been putting off for years - like planning a wedding, buying a home, saving money in general. I have to go from eating food out almost every day to planning trips to the gym and planning meals at home.
It's daunting, because it's all happening at once. I think people expect me to be flipping cartwheels in excitement. Instead, I've been doing nothing but thinking, planning, jotting notes. There's no time for cartwheels. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, who manages to find many moments to pause and just look at me just for pure enjoyment, I'd probably be pulling my hair out. Ah, and Pinterest helps, too. :)
(In fact, my attention was diverted for a good 20 minutes just then looking at budget blogs, HA!)
What makes my guy also great is that he appreciates the little things. I folded a little bit of his laundry yesterday, and he told me this morning how much it meant to him. Who knows how long this beautiful attitude will last, so I have to soak it up as much as possible!
There are so many things I'd like to do, so I figured I would jot a few of them down now, and see how I progress in a year.
- I am so tired of bland employment reviews. I want to come up with something to revolutionize my new job and get an outstanding review!
- I want to get married, and do it in a way that saves money, but still honors my family and friends. It will be tough, but I have to do it for under $3,000 in order to be content. I just don't want to spend a lot when that money could be used elsewhere.
- I want to get a house with my man. Number 2 may need to be reduced in order for that to happen, but that's okay. Whatever sacrifices I have to make to have the home of my dreams with the man of my dreams, I will do.
- I'd like to make at least one good girlfriend here. One that I can depend on for a spontaneous evening out. I will still have my besties at home, but having one to spend time with here would be fantastic.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thankfulness about the year so far...
I apologize. I'm sure most have you have forgotten that I even do a blog. Since I haven't decided to put ads on it, or make it something as part of my writing portfolio, I let it kind of die out. I hadn't had much to write about, either, as life has changed very little since my last post.
I'm very happy to say life has been much less hectic this year. With Mom's healing, things are going back to normal, and for this, I am eternally grateful.
Since we are pushing closer and closer to Thanksgiving, and it seems like tradition to write down for what you are most grateful, I decided to succomb and do one of my own.
1) My Mom - Not just the fact that she has survived breast cancer and back surgery, but she managed to go back to being her old self in the process. There have still been a lot of struggles, as expected, but this has been a much easier year on her and my family.
2) My Boyfriend - I think if you knew of my more private journal, you would really understand the woes that have befallen my love life. For the most part, I rushed into relationships, knowing full well this probably wasn't going to work, but would go for it anyway.
Today, I can finally say that I've found "The One." I've only known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years, and we've only been dating for about a month and a half, but it's really the first time I've ever met someone who meshes with me in a way that's comforting and not grating. He and I have both decided that we will be a part of each other's futures. Needless to say, this prospect frightens me, since we still have so much to learn about each other. But it has been such a sweet, fulfilling relationship so far. Hands down, he is the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time. He really does embody many of the qualities I outlined in my "man list."
3) My Job - Yes, I dislike it. Yes, it's absolutely not the kind of job I should be doing, but regardless I am grateful for the quiet and the pay and the folks I work with. Just really what I needed right now.
I encourage all of you to come up with your own lists of things to be grateful for and refer back to them when you can. :-)
I'm very happy to say life has been much less hectic this year. With Mom's healing, things are going back to normal, and for this, I am eternally grateful.
Since we are pushing closer and closer to Thanksgiving, and it seems like tradition to write down for what you are most grateful, I decided to succomb and do one of my own.
I Am Thankful For. . .
1) My Mom - Not just the fact that she has survived breast cancer and back surgery, but she managed to go back to being her old self in the process. There have still been a lot of struggles, as expected, but this has been a much easier year on her and my family.
2) My Boyfriend - I think if you knew of my more private journal, you would really understand the woes that have befallen my love life. For the most part, I rushed into relationships, knowing full well this probably wasn't going to work, but would go for it anyway.
Today, I can finally say that I've found "The One." I've only known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years, and we've only been dating for about a month and a half, but it's really the first time I've ever met someone who meshes with me in a way that's comforting and not grating. He and I have both decided that we will be a part of each other's futures. Needless to say, this prospect frightens me, since we still have so much to learn about each other. But it has been such a sweet, fulfilling relationship so far. Hands down, he is the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time. He really does embody many of the qualities I outlined in my "man list."
3) My Job - Yes, I dislike it. Yes, it's absolutely not the kind of job I should be doing, but regardless I am grateful for the quiet and the pay and the folks I work with. Just really what I needed right now.
I encourage all of you to come up with your own lists of things to be grateful for and refer back to them when you can. :-)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The Right Stuff
You should never assume what a person's desires are just from a few decisions he or she makes here or there. Many people think they know what I want when it comes to "Mr. Right," but they really have no idea. So, here you go. It's my "list." I promised one of my best friends I would post this, even though it is wishful thinking for the most part. I'd say they are listed in "order of importance," but they are all extremely important, in my opinion.
1.) Spirituality - After attempting to casually date a few non-Christians this year, I'm no longer budging on this, even if it's short term. He has to be a Christian. I have developed a lot of great friendships with folks from other faiths, but when it comes to romance, it just doesn't seem to work. Ever. And it's more than just about raising kids in a certain spiritual environment. In my opinion, if my mate can't truly appreciate or understand my spiritual side, then he will never really get to know the most important part of me. There's much more to this, and I'll elaborate later.
2.) Sense of Humor - If you've met me for longer than three minutes, you know that I laugh at just about everything. Dry humor, sarcasm, slapstick comedy. I giggle at just about everything or I burst into uncontrollable, screeching guffaws where I lose all sense of volume control. If my guy is too serious or too depressing, I get bored pretty easily. Must love laughter.
3.) Physical Features - I'm pretty wide open in this area, but I've always told myself that I want to be able to wake up next to someone and like how they look in that most vulnerable state. A lot of people will see who I have previously dated and think I like a certain "type". This is absolutely and positively not true. I have been attracted to guys of all shapes, sizes and colors and always will. I also think people assume that because I'm fairly tall, I won't date guys who are shorter than me. Maybe it's because I've always been taller than a lot of people in general most of my life, I think that's cutting my dating pool too small. (Ha!) As long as the guy is confident, I will date him. Height makes no difference. Lately, I've been leaning towards the slender, slightly muscled guys who are right at my height.
4.) Interests - Since I love randomly talking about movies and TV (even ones I don't like or haven't seen), it'd be great to meet a guy who had that kind of random useless pop culture knowledge. I think a lot of people are convinced I have to have a "geek" or someone who is really into video games and sci-fi stuff. That actually isn't the case at all. I'd love to hang out with a guy who likes talking about cars, beer and sports. I like talking about those things too! I need that kind of diversity, and I love learning about new things, so bring on the unusual hobbies.
5.) Other Personality Traits - Sure, women tend to have more of an empathetic and sensitive nature, but it would be nice to meet a guy who is at least somewhat in touch with his emotions. No, I don't want a crybaby, but I'd prefer that over someone who will watch you cry and not so much as blink an eye. (And yes, I know that rhymes.) A great listener is important, but having an intelligent conversation matters to me more. I love guys who show at least a little bit of chivalry, romance and small public displays of affection. But at the same time, I am pretty independent and need my space, even if we are in the same room.
Probably the biggest thing my guy would need is a patient spirit. I'm a handful...at times I'm flirtatious and like lavishing lots of attention on my guy and spend a lot of quality time with him, but I also am extremely busy and am always on the go. My guy would have to deal with that. And as most of you know, I decided back when I was 16 to remain abstinent until I was married. This is a primary reason why I feel like I have to have a Christian guy, because this started as a promise I made to God. As I've gotten older, I realize it's also just a darn good practical idea for me. I wouldn't have met half of the people I know now if I had slept with the first guy I thought I cared about. I'd more than likely be "barefoot and pregnant," or probably a really depressed single Mom somewhere. I never push this philosophy on anyone, but I know this was the best decision I have made in my entire life.
Sadly, that has cut down my dating pool by about 80 to 90% because most guys are either put off by the idea of not having sex or scared of the word "marriage." It sucks, because I am a really affectionate person, but I never want to come across as a "tease." I've been called that many times, and it's almost as hurtful as being told I act like a white girl. It has been a very difficult balance, and I've sadly compromised in some areas along the way. However, it's a promise I don't intend to break. I'd much rather remain a lonely, single virgin and just have lots of random, fruitless first dates than to ever break that promise just to keep the wrong guy around.
Any questions? Comments? I welcome them all! :-)
1.) Spirituality - After attempting to casually date a few non-Christians this year, I'm no longer budging on this, even if it's short term. He has to be a Christian. I have developed a lot of great friendships with folks from other faiths, but when it comes to romance, it just doesn't seem to work. Ever. And it's more than just about raising kids in a certain spiritual environment. In my opinion, if my mate can't truly appreciate or understand my spiritual side, then he will never really get to know the most important part of me. There's much more to this, and I'll elaborate later.
2.) Sense of Humor - If you've met me for longer than three minutes, you know that I laugh at just about everything. Dry humor, sarcasm, slapstick comedy. I giggle at just about everything or I burst into uncontrollable, screeching guffaws where I lose all sense of volume control. If my guy is too serious or too depressing, I get bored pretty easily. Must love laughter.
3.) Physical Features - I'm pretty wide open in this area, but I've always told myself that I want to be able to wake up next to someone and like how they look in that most vulnerable state. A lot of people will see who I have previously dated and think I like a certain "type". This is absolutely and positively not true. I have been attracted to guys of all shapes, sizes and colors and always will. I also think people assume that because I'm fairly tall, I won't date guys who are shorter than me. Maybe it's because I've always been taller than a lot of people in general most of my life, I think that's cutting my dating pool too small. (Ha!) As long as the guy is confident, I will date him. Height makes no difference. Lately, I've been leaning towards the slender, slightly muscled guys who are right at my height.
4.) Interests - Since I love randomly talking about movies and TV (even ones I don't like or haven't seen), it'd be great to meet a guy who had that kind of random useless pop culture knowledge. I think a lot of people are convinced I have to have a "geek" or someone who is really into video games and sci-fi stuff. That actually isn't the case at all. I'd love to hang out with a guy who likes talking about cars, beer and sports. I like talking about those things too! I need that kind of diversity, and I love learning about new things, so bring on the unusual hobbies.
5.) Other Personality Traits - Sure, women tend to have more of an empathetic and sensitive nature, but it would be nice to meet a guy who is at least somewhat in touch with his emotions. No, I don't want a crybaby, but I'd prefer that over someone who will watch you cry and not so much as blink an eye. (And yes, I know that rhymes.) A great listener is important, but having an intelligent conversation matters to me more. I love guys who show at least a little bit of chivalry, romance and small public displays of affection. But at the same time, I am pretty independent and need my space, even if we are in the same room.
Probably the biggest thing my guy would need is a patient spirit. I'm a handful...at times I'm flirtatious and like lavishing lots of attention on my guy and spend a lot of quality time with him, but I also am extremely busy and am always on the go. My guy would have to deal with that. And as most of you know, I decided back when I was 16 to remain abstinent until I was married. This is a primary reason why I feel like I have to have a Christian guy, because this started as a promise I made to God. As I've gotten older, I realize it's also just a darn good practical idea for me. I wouldn't have met half of the people I know now if I had slept with the first guy I thought I cared about. I'd more than likely be "barefoot and pregnant," or probably a really depressed single Mom somewhere. I never push this philosophy on anyone, but I know this was the best decision I have made in my entire life.
Sadly, that has cut down my dating pool by about 80 to 90% because most guys are either put off by the idea of not having sex or scared of the word "marriage." It sucks, because I am a really affectionate person, but I never want to come across as a "tease." I've been called that many times, and it's almost as hurtful as being told I act like a white girl. It has been a very difficult balance, and I've sadly compromised in some areas along the way. However, it's a promise I don't intend to break. I'd much rather remain a lonely, single virgin and just have lots of random, fruitless first dates than to ever break that promise just to keep the wrong guy around.
Any questions? Comments? I welcome them all! :-)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Living in the Future
I've heard many times it's very dangerous to live in the past, but what about living in the future? I would consider that a step above simply "predicting" the future. Living in the future involves completely immersing yourself in possible scenarios that may or may not actually happen. The problem is pretty obvious - we have absolutely no idea what will happen even 30 seconds from now. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we try to live in the future.
Because I'm a Christian, I believe that no matter what we choose in life, if we are on God's path, He will lead us in the right direction. Not because He wants to control our lives, but because He knows what's absolutely best for us. It boils down to the simple premise that no matter what happens, life will turn out exactly as it should. It's just a matter of timing.
There are a lot of areas in my life that I struggle with on a minute-ly basis - relationships, finances, my career path. But when I look back on what has changed and what has become of me, I understand that I am precisely where I need to be right now. How quickly I get to my proper destination is up to the choices I make, but I will get there eventually. I find this especially true when it comes to dating. I waver between waiting to find the "perfect guy" and simply dating a great guy until I'm ready to be alone. As I blogged previously, right now I'm leaning to the latter of those options.
My Mom always warns me to never "waste my time" when it comes to dating, and I tend to agree with her. It's often better to just be single than to be with someone temporarily who isn't right for you and be hurt or hurt someone else when it ends. And it always ends.
Maybe it's because I'm secretly competitive or that I'm openly optimistic, but I am never willing to give up on something until I have absolutely no other options. What I've learned is that with every person I meet, I discover the things about a relationship that I desire and the things that I can't handle. It's impossible to learn what you want if you always avoid the arduous problem-solving in the first place.
Every aspect of life is like that. You have to walk through it in order to come out on the other side actually learning the proper lesson.
Do you agree?
Because I'm a Christian, I believe that no matter what we choose in life, if we are on God's path, He will lead us in the right direction. Not because He wants to control our lives, but because He knows what's absolutely best for us. It boils down to the simple premise that no matter what happens, life will turn out exactly as it should. It's just a matter of timing.
There are a lot of areas in my life that I struggle with on a minute-ly basis - relationships, finances, my career path. But when I look back on what has changed and what has become of me, I understand that I am precisely where I need to be right now. How quickly I get to my proper destination is up to the choices I make, but I will get there eventually. I find this especially true when it comes to dating. I waver between waiting to find the "perfect guy" and simply dating a great guy until I'm ready to be alone. As I blogged previously, right now I'm leaning to the latter of those options.
My Mom always warns me to never "waste my time" when it comes to dating, and I tend to agree with her. It's often better to just be single than to be with someone temporarily who isn't right for you and be hurt or hurt someone else when it ends. And it always ends.
Maybe it's because I'm secretly competitive or that I'm openly optimistic, but I am never willing to give up on something until I have absolutely no other options. What I've learned is that with every person I meet, I discover the things about a relationship that I desire and the things that I can't handle. It's impossible to learn what you want if you always avoid the arduous problem-solving in the first place.
Every aspect of life is like that. You have to walk through it in order to come out on the other side actually learning the proper lesson.
Do you agree?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Why So Serious?
So it appears that all of the blogs I follow on Blogspot are all about husbands, homes and babies. I have none of these things, and I wonder if that makes me an anomaly in this segment of the blogosphere. I promise, if you follow me, I won't post about any random debauchery I encounter as a single lady. Besides, those are best saved for in-person stories with lots of loud details and hand-flailing.
I have my good days and bad days when it comes to relationships. Lately, because of a recent break-up, I've had a lot of bad days. And I realized it's because I end up taking dating way too seriously. There's lots of reasons for that. I spent a great deal of my twenties just going out on lots of random dates with random guys with no strings attached. There comes a time when that sort of thing just gets really old, and you start to seek out something more substantial and long-lasting. After all, I'm 31 years old and for my generation, finding The One is long overdue, right?
My biggest source of inspiration in this area is my godmother Betty. She met The One very late in the game (I believe mid to late 30s) and later adopted a beautiful boy. She is exceedingly happy and whenever I talk to her, I can tell she is so glad she waited. She gives me a great deal of hope that my special someone exists. He really isn't a figment of my imagination. He's actually out there, waiting for the right opportunity to appear into my life.
So, at least in the short term, I've decided to go back to my ways of dating not-for-serious as the young'uns like to put it. If I like a guy, and that guy is interested in me, I go for it. It may not last forever for whatever reason, and that's okay. It's okay to just have a really great time.
Besides, crushes are so underrated and so much fun to talk about. I've always had a long list of them - some are secret, some not-so-secret. They seem to always work best when they are unreciprocated but appreciated and when you have at least one girlfriend/mutual friend to dish to about said crush. It's also a great stress reliever to not be so obsessive about at least one area of my life. I think it will be interesting to see what comes of it.
I have my good days and bad days when it comes to relationships. Lately, because of a recent break-up, I've had a lot of bad days. And I realized it's because I end up taking dating way too seriously. There's lots of reasons for that. I spent a great deal of my twenties just going out on lots of random dates with random guys with no strings attached. There comes a time when that sort of thing just gets really old, and you start to seek out something more substantial and long-lasting. After all, I'm 31 years old and for my generation, finding The One is long overdue, right?
My biggest source of inspiration in this area is my godmother Betty. She met The One very late in the game (I believe mid to late 30s) and later adopted a beautiful boy. She is exceedingly happy and whenever I talk to her, I can tell she is so glad she waited. She gives me a great deal of hope that my special someone exists. He really isn't a figment of my imagination. He's actually out there, waiting for the right opportunity to appear into my life.
So, at least in the short term, I've decided to go back to my ways of dating not-for-serious as the young'uns like to put it. If I like a guy, and that guy is interested in me, I go for it. It may not last forever for whatever reason, and that's okay. It's okay to just have a really great time.
Besides, crushes are so underrated and so much fun to talk about. I've always had a long list of them - some are secret, some not-so-secret. They seem to always work best when they are unreciprocated but appreciated and when you have at least one girlfriend/mutual friend to dish to about said crush. It's also a great stress reliever to not be so obsessive about at least one area of my life. I think it will be interesting to see what comes of it.
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