Being SuperBetter

Here is my first journal about being SuperBetter.

I discovered the SuperBetter app watching an excellent TED video by the developer, who was a game developer by trade and created the app after a traumatic head injury kept her bedridden and nearly suicidal. It's a cute way to gain resilience in many different aspects of life to help you become a better person or overcome an obstacle.

Today is my first day trying the app, and it required a journal entry, What better way to keep track of my progress than publicly? I'm almost at level 4, and here's the question for today:

YOUR QUEST: Imagine that any aspect of your habits or thinking could be rewired with enough practice. What would you change or rewire? Why?

I think I would require my tendency to be a perfectionist which leads to insane amounts of procrastination. The why is pretty evident....I'm staring at a giant pile of dirty laundry that nearly takes up an entire wall.

Im always waiting until I feel better to tackle it, but lately I've been down and out and not feeling well. It will never get done and I'm always going to be sad looking at it, I've got to get out of the habit of procrastinating.

Also part of another quest I'm doing to boost my brain, I'm having to develop a personal motto. I'm taking part of it from the Bible and making it one that I can also use in my professional life:

My motto: "Always be thankful. Always give back. Always do better. This is the key to a fulfilled life."

What's one habit you want to rewire? What is your personal motto?

My Final Bachelorette Post

I'm getting married in less than a week, and I figured it's time for one more bachelorette post and some encouragement for those who are married or hope to be some day.


Sure, I'm Having my Doubts

I feel like I keep saying this over and over again, but I think I'm mostly saying this to myself: Am I really about to be married? Am I really going to become a Mrs.? Is the possibility of having children with a wonderful man finally happening? Am I really going to have someone by my side and love me for the rest of my life?

A lot of questions, I know. The question mark implies doubt, and I guess there is still some there. Mostly because I don't have a lot of faith in myself that I can make a relationship work. That seems really unfortunate to even say that, but it's true. I always compare my future on past successes or failures. And romantic relationships have been a source of failure in my life.

Perfectionism Is A Dream Killer
Lately, I've had another personal failure happen that just shook me to the core. So I've been hating the word "failure", because it implies that the damage is irreparable, when really it's just another opportunity to try for success.

I think that's how I'm going to approach my marriage. My mind is still wired to be a perfectionist: everything has to be exactly in its place, and if it's not, then there has to be a plan or a resolution to fix it. It sucks, because I'm a disorganized person by nature, so I'm constantly berating myself for my piles of junk or lack of cleaning motivation. I really can't afford to expect perfection in my marriage. It just won't happen.

Though it became one of the most overplayed songs ever, "She Will Be Loved" by my favorite band, Maroon 5 contains a really simple but powerful lyric.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies / It's compromise that moves us along"

I always be sure to stop and sing that lyric when I hear that song. Just so it is ingrained in my memory. Marriage isn't always easy. Marriage is work. So many people have said it better than I can. I've heard a lot of sermons and read a lot of blogs that talk about how being in a relationship means having to work every day to love someone unconditionally.

Clocking In & Putting In 110%
What's great about my fiance is that he is absolutely fabulous at that. At least once a day, he asks, "You know you're awesome, right?" or "Thanks for being awesome." We are fortunate enough to have similar love languages - mine is words of affirmation, and that is high up for him, but physical touch is his main language. Physical touch has never been as important to me, but since it's important to him, I try to do that every day. I give him hugs or backrubs constantly.

And I think that will be the key to having a successful relationship. It's what I've been told so many times but never really understood until now:

Being in a marriage is having a full-time job. It's always putting in the effort every day to give and receive love. It's not always easy, but the rewards are so huge, it is worth it.

Guest Posting Giddiness

I have the opportunity to do some guest blogging. I'm thinking it will be good to publicize this blog as well as my new business blog on Wordpress. (See list of blogs on left for link)

I can't believe I totally forgot to link my first guest blog post ever on being a virgin. It's on a thirtysomething blog I really enjoy reading. She hasn't updated in a while though!

"Confessions of a Thirty-Something Virgin" can be found here.

Social Media Boost

This week, I was really encouraged to start focusing more on my virtual assistant business, and I knew the best way to do that would be to expand my online presence. I have hated Twitter, and its 140-character limit as a writer since its inception, but I know it's time to expand my social media horizons. I even joined Klout, which I'm still not sure of its purpose other than aggregating all of your social media sites into one for some hacker to access.

I'm going to try and keep most of my personal posts on here and my business-y type posts on my new WordPress blog. However, since I have trusty followers on here who support me, I wanted to share all of my new social goodies with you. Twitter will be a combo of useful posts for potential clients and personal posts.

Twitter - @WillieshaLakin (This will change when my last name changes.)

WordPress - http://Williesha.wordpress.com

My why? Since my fiancé and I have drastically different work schedules, I really want to spend more time at home to be with him when I can. It's been tough not spending as much time together. But I know with a little determination I can make this happen.

So spread the word. Willi needs to go viral!  What should I blog about on WordPress?

Pageant Dreams!

Yes, believe it or not, I enjoy doing pageants. For many of you who don't know, I spent my childhood and early twenties doing pageants. I even did the South Carolina Miss USA pageant. I won a couple of local titles (including the famed Newberry Prevention Fire Queen LOL) beforehand, but sadly didn't place. I'll never forget -- the girl who won was backstage before judging in tears that she didn't do well...and then she went on to win. Crazy, right?

The problem is, now that I'm older, I don't have much of a svelte body to put into a dress (not without some precious Spanx), and I only have about a month now to really prepare, as I have been busy with wedding stuff.

I do have some modest goals -- mainly to lose at least 5-10 pounds, participate in the Color Run in November...so hopefully I can do some quick training so that I can be in at least slightly better shape!

I also need to take some new photos... Pretty much the only reason why I'm doing it is to prove to myself that I've still "got it". This pageant also offers great prizes as well. 

So, here are the details - if you'd like to sponsor me with an ad or donation, reply in my comment box!

Pageant: Miss U.S. of America

Charity: St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

The Last 100 Days...

Seriously, it would be nice if things slowed down a bit. :) So, of course, as I should have expected, my boyfriend is now my fiance much, much sooner than I anticipated. I thought for sure he would wait a little while longer, but it turns out he's been waiting since early May. It's very, very strange to say that I am down to my last 100 days as a bachelorette.

This little bauble has changed everything.

The trip to Destin that started this path was wonderful and quirky and frustrating. It rained the entire time, save for a few moments where we could play some mini golf or walk along the beach. The drive to and from there took entirely too long, and there were a lot of very exasperating moments. But it has all been worth it. The millions of texts and e-mails soliciting wedding advice, assistance... Practicing signing my new name...The constant Facebook updates, and my loyal friends who like every post, just because it's something even remotely related to the wedding or to my relationship.

Strange how the travel agent and the event planner burst out of me during times like these. I've managed to come up with a lot of wedding stuff in a very short time. Somehow, though, the enjoyment level is waning. I'm hoping after tomorrow, I can not think about weddings for at least a few days. I wonder if that's possible. I do know that after these past several days, the planning is becoming stressful, and I know it's time to pause.

Since our engagement, I've definitely started to settle into our relationship. I'm beginning to understand his vocal and facial cues, know what to say to him, how to express my feelings. However, wedding planning has done nothing but made this process a lot more difficult. I'm constantly waiting on someone to call...constantly thinking about the next step...

How come he doesn't care that we need at least two more sets of linens?

Shouldn't he be excited I'm picking one of his favorite colors?

Why won't he listen to me when I say we need to get (*insert wedding task here*) done now?

Why these ridiculous thoughts have crossed my mind is beyond me, as they came from the same brain that also doesn't see the need to buy clothing more often than once a year.

Really, though, ever since I moved in, I've "forgotten" about my single life. About how sad or emotional I'd become around the holidays...how ridiculously lonely it felt to watch TV with noone to make random comments to. The only time I remember what it's like to be single is when I'm lying awake in bed, and I can't fall asleep, because there's someone next to me. A soft, cozy body pillow who happens to come with its own sleeping soundtrack. He keeps me awake at night, but at the same time, how nice it is to have someone to watch sleep if I have insomnia. Or someone who will instinctively snuggle closer to me if I turn.

Singlehood seems like ages ago. And I really don't miss it.

Of course, it's only been a few months. I heard about this whole seven-year itch thing....is that really true? Every once in a while, one of us will ask if we will get tired of each other. Despite my fiance's analytic brain, when it comes to us, he is ever the optimist. We will always be just as caring with one another as we are now. Even after many years of marriage....and maybe kids...and frustrating years on the job... Doesn't seem possible (I guess I'm the realist of the pair?), but his heart is in the right place, and that's all that matters.

A New Grown-Up Adventure Awaits

It still seems a bit unreal. Perhaps when I start working again, it will finally hit me. I'm finally "on my own" again. It took 11 years to get back to this place. Of course, I have a lot of help from my amazing boyfriend. Without him, I don't think I would be able to get started so quickly.

I cannot believe it only took 8 months for my life to change forever. I did not realize blatant, harmless flirting would lead me to this point, but here I am. I am ready, but I am scared to death. It wasn't too long ago, I posted about the woes of long-distance dating, and how he and I were able to cope. I didn't realize until one week ago that we would be saying goodbye for the last time so soon.

Me and my guy at my birthday party in Feb. 2012. My last big gathering in my hometown. :)

So I left all of the familiarity and comfort of home and ventured into a new city. I have to start all over and really put into action all of the "adult" things I've been putting off for years - like planning a wedding, buying a home, saving money in general. I have to go from eating food out almost every day to planning trips to the gym and planning meals at home. 

It's daunting, because it's all happening at once. I think people expect me to be flipping cartwheels in excitement. Instead, I've been doing nothing but thinking, planning, jotting notes. There's no time for cartwheels. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, who manages to find many moments to pause and just look at me just for pure enjoyment, I'd probably be pulling my hair out. Ah, and Pinterest helps, too. :)

(In fact, my attention was diverted for a good 20 minutes just then looking at budget blogs, HA!)

What makes my guy also great is that he appreciates the little things. I folded a little bit of his laundry yesterday, and he told me this morning how much it meant to him. Who knows how long this beautiful attitude will last, so I have to soak it up as much as possible!

There are so many things I'd like to do, so I figured I would jot a few of them down now, and see how I progress in a year.

1. I am so tired of bland employment reviews. I want to come up with something to revolutionize my new job and get an outstanding review!
2. I want to get married, and do it in a way that saves money, but still honors my family and friends. It will be tough, but I have to do it for under $3,000 in order to be content. I just don't want to spend a lot when that money could be used elsewhere.
3. I want to get a house with my man. Number 2 may need to be reduced in order for that to happen, but that's okay. Whatever sacrifices I have to make to have the home of my dreams with the man of my dreams, I will do.
4. I'd like to make at least one good girlfriend here. One that I can depend on for a spontaneous evening out. I will still have my besties at home, but having one to spend time with here would be fantastic.

I'm really overwhelmed with the "newness" of everything, that I'm even finding it difficult to blog everything that's rolling around in my brain. For now, I have to again thank God for allowing me to catch up so quickly. I have a lot of growing up to do!