Since I've finally got the hang of my Wordpress business site, (http://Williesha.wordpress.com) I'm moving my personal blog there as well! Thank you for following me, and I hope you choose to do so when I make this change.
It will be called http://nerdythirtysomething.wordpress.com See you there!
Love and thanks!
W
Showing posts with label life in general. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life in general. Show all posts
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Being SuperBetter: My Comfort Zone
Today's SuperBetter quest involved being in your comfort zone and how exactly it's benefitting you. Essentially, it doesn't.
The great part about today's quest is that I'm so far out of my comfort zone, I'm kinda off the page. I'm in a new city, living with people other than my family, have a new husband (all of the rewards and responsibility involved with it) and trying to basically start over again.
The Pros: I'm actually doing surprisingly well. Mostly because I have a really incredible husband that always tries his hardest to make me happy. He considers it a great challenge and his goal in our marriage.
Plus, I love adventures, I love new places and I love venturing out on my own. It was past time I broke the apron strings of home and start over again.
The Cons: I miss home. A lot. I miss everything about it. Though it's great, because I've learned to take advantage of appreciating what I've missed, it has been at times overwhelmingly depressing.
Although I'm an introvert by nature, it's indeed true that no person is an island. I am still trying to nurture my new marital relationship and find new girlfriends. Though I can never replace my lifelong friendships, it has been tough cultivating new ones when getting to know a brand new city.
My current SuperBetter "epic win" is to reduce my dependency on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. Nothing tests that more than change. But this amount of change is so significant it has been an immense struggle. But apparently that's where the magic happens.
What about your comfort zone? From SuperBetter:
Fortressed within it? Always busting through it?
YOUR QUEST: Write in your journal or send an email to a friend about your comfort zone.
What it is, for you? How often are you in it? How does it feel to leave it?
(Image was used in the quest app by Jessica Hagy of http://thisisindexed.com/)
The great part about today's quest is that I'm so far out of my comfort zone, I'm kinda off the page. I'm in a new city, living with people other than my family, have a new husband (all of the rewards and responsibility involved with it) and trying to basically start over again.
The Pros: I'm actually doing surprisingly well. Mostly because I have a really incredible husband that always tries his hardest to make me happy. He considers it a great challenge and his goal in our marriage.
Plus, I love adventures, I love new places and I love venturing out on my own. It was past time I broke the apron strings of home and start over again.
The Cons: I miss home. A lot. I miss everything about it. Though it's great, because I've learned to take advantage of appreciating what I've missed, it has been at times overwhelmingly depressing.
Although I'm an introvert by nature, it's indeed true that no person is an island. I am still trying to nurture my new marital relationship and find new girlfriends. Though I can never replace my lifelong friendships, it has been tough cultivating new ones when getting to know a brand new city.
My current SuperBetter "epic win" is to reduce my dependency on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. Nothing tests that more than change. But this amount of change is so significant it has been an immense struggle. But apparently that's where the magic happens.
What about your comfort zone? From SuperBetter:
Fortressed within it? Always busting through it?
YOUR QUEST: Write in your journal or send an email to a friend about your comfort zone.
What it is, for you? How often are you in it? How does it feel to leave it?
(Image was used in the quest app by Jessica Hagy of http://thisisindexed.com/)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Being SuperBetter
Here is my first journal about being SuperBetter.
I discovered the SuperBetter app watching an excellent TED video by the developer, who was a game developer by trade and created the app after a traumatic head injury kept her bedridden and nearly suicidal. It's a cute way to gain resilience in many different aspects of life to help you become a better person or overcome an obstacle.
Today is my first day trying the app, and it required a journal entry, What better way to keep track of my progress than publicly? I'm almost at level 4, and here's the question for today:
YOUR QUEST: Imagine that any aspect of your habits or thinking could be rewired with enough practice. What would you change or rewire? Why?
I think I would require my tendency to be a perfectionist which leads to insane amounts of procrastination. The why is pretty evident....I'm staring at a giant pile of dirty laundry that nearly takes up an entire wall.
Im always waiting until I feel better to tackle it, but lately I've been down and out and not feeling well. It will never get done and I'm always going to be sad looking at it, I've got to get out of the habit of procrastinating.
Also part of another quest I'm doing to boost my brain, I'm having to develop a personal motto. I'm taking part of it from the Bible and making it one that I can also use in my professional life:
What's one habit you want to rewire? What is your personal motto?
I discovered the SuperBetter app watching an excellent TED video by the developer, who was a game developer by trade and created the app after a traumatic head injury kept her bedridden and nearly suicidal. It's a cute way to gain resilience in many different aspects of life to help you become a better person or overcome an obstacle.
Today is my first day trying the app, and it required a journal entry, What better way to keep track of my progress than publicly? I'm almost at level 4, and here's the question for today:
YOUR QUEST: Imagine that any aspect of your habits or thinking could be rewired with enough practice. What would you change or rewire? Why?
I think I would require my tendency to be a perfectionist which leads to insane amounts of procrastination. The why is pretty evident....I'm staring at a giant pile of dirty laundry that nearly takes up an entire wall.
Im always waiting until I feel better to tackle it, but lately I've been down and out and not feeling well. It will never get done and I'm always going to be sad looking at it, I've got to get out of the habit of procrastinating.
Also part of another quest I'm doing to boost my brain, I'm having to develop a personal motto. I'm taking part of it from the Bible and making it one that I can also use in my professional life:
My motto: "Always be thankful. Always give back. Always do better. This is the key to a fulfilled life."
What's one habit you want to rewire? What is your personal motto?
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Social Media Boost
This week, I was really encouraged to start focusing more on my virtual assistant business, and I knew the best way to do that would be to expand my online presence. I have hated Twitter, and its 140-character limit as a writer since its inception, but I know it's time to expand my social media horizons. I even joined Klout, which I'm still not sure of its purpose other than aggregating all of your social media sites into one for some hacker to access.
I'm going to try and keep most of my personal posts on here and my business-y type posts on my new WordPress blog. However, since I have trusty followers on here who support me, I wanted to share all of my new social goodies with you. Twitter will be a combo of useful posts for potential clients and personal posts.
Twitter - @WillieshaLakin (This will change when my last name changes.)
WordPress - http://Williesha.wordpress.com
My why? Since my fiancé and I have drastically different work schedules, I really want to spend more time at home to be with him when I can. It's been tough not spending as much time together. But I know with a little determination I can make this happen.
So spread the word. Willi needs to go viral! What should I blog about on WordPress?
I'm going to try and keep most of my personal posts on here and my business-y type posts on my new WordPress blog. However, since I have trusty followers on here who support me, I wanted to share all of my new social goodies with you. Twitter will be a combo of useful posts for potential clients and personal posts.
Twitter - @WillieshaLakin (This will change when my last name changes.)
WordPress - http://Williesha.wordpress.com
My why? Since my fiancé and I have drastically different work schedules, I really want to spend more time at home to be with him when I can. It's been tough not spending as much time together. But I know with a little determination I can make this happen.
So spread the word. Willi needs to go viral! What should I blog about on WordPress?
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Pageant Dreams!
Yes, believe it or not, I enjoy doing pageants. For many of you who don't know, I spent my childhood and early twenties doing pageants. I even did the South Carolina Miss USA pageant. I won a couple of local titles (including the famed Newberry Prevention Fire Queen LOL) beforehand, but sadly didn't place. I'll never forget -- the girl who won was backstage before judging in tears that she didn't do well...and then she went on to win. Crazy, right?
The problem is, now that I'm older, I don't have much of a svelte body to put into a dress (not without some precious Spanx), and I only have about a month now to really prepare, as I have been busy with wedding stuff.
I do have some modest goals -- mainly to lose at least 5-10 pounds, participate in the Color Run in November...so hopefully I can do some quick training so that I can be in at least slightly better shape!
I also need to take some new photos... Pretty much the only reason why I'm doing it is to prove to myself that I've still "got it". This pageant also offers great prizes as well.
So, here are the details - if you'd like to sponsor me with an ad or donation, reply in my comment box!
Pageant: Miss U.S. of America
Charity: St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
The problem is, now that I'm older, I don't have much of a svelte body to put into a dress (not without some precious Spanx), and I only have about a month now to really prepare, as I have been busy with wedding stuff.
I do have some modest goals -- mainly to lose at least 5-10 pounds, participate in the Color Run in November...so hopefully I can do some quick training so that I can be in at least slightly better shape!
I also need to take some new photos... Pretty much the only reason why I'm doing it is to prove to myself that I've still "got it". This pageant also offers great prizes as well.
So, here are the details - if you'd like to sponsor me with an ad or donation, reply in my comment box!
Pageant: Miss U.S. of America
Charity: St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
Thursday, July 12, 2012
The Last 100 Days...
Seriously, it would be nice if things slowed down a bit. :) So, of course, as I should have expected, my boyfriend is now my fiance much, much sooner than I anticipated. I thought for sure he would wait a little while longer, but it turns out he's been waiting since early May. It's very, very strange to say that I am down to my last 100 days as a bachelorette.
The trip to Destin that started this path was wonderful and quirky and frustrating. It rained the entire time, save for a few moments where we could play some mini golf or walk along the beach. The drive to and from there took entirely too long, and there were a lot of very exasperating moments. But it has all been worth it. The millions of texts and e-mails soliciting wedding advice, assistance... Practicing signing my new name...The constant Facebook updates, and my loyal friends who like every post, just because it's something even remotely related to the wedding or to my relationship.
Strange how the travel agent and the event planner burst out of me during times like these. I've managed to come up with a lot of wedding stuff in a very short time. Somehow, though, the enjoyment level is waning. I'm hoping after tomorrow, I can not think about weddings for at least a few days. I wonder if that's possible. I do know that after these past several days, the planning is becoming stressful, and I know it's time to pause.
Since our engagement, I've definitely started to settle into our relationship. I'm beginning to understand his vocal and facial cues, know what to say to him, how to express my feelings. However, wedding planning has done nothing but made this process a lot more difficult. I'm constantly waiting on someone to call...constantly thinking about the next step...
How come he doesn't care that we need at least two more sets of linens?
Shouldn't he be excited I'm picking one of his favorite colors?
Why won't he listen to me when I say we need to get (*insert wedding task here*) done now?
Why these ridiculous thoughts have crossed my mind is beyond me, as they came from the same brain that also doesn't see the need to buy clothing more often than once a year.
Really, though, ever since I moved in, I've "forgotten" about my single life. About how sad or emotional I'd become around the holidays...how ridiculously lonely it felt to watch TV with noone to make random comments to. The only time I remember what it's like to be single is when I'm lying awake in bed, and I can't fall asleep, because there's someone next to me. A soft, cozy body pillow who happens to come with its own sleeping soundtrack. He keeps me awake at night, but at the same time, how nice it is to have someone to watch sleep if I have insomnia. Or someone who will instinctively snuggle closer to me if I turn.
Singlehood seems like ages ago. And I really don't miss it.
Of course, it's only been a few months. I heard about this whole seven-year itch thing....is that really true? Every once in a while, one of us will ask if we will get tired of each other. Despite my fiance's analytic brain, when it comes to us, he is ever the optimist. We will always be just as caring with one another as we are now. Even after many years of marriage....and maybe kids...and frustrating years on the job... Doesn't seem possible (I guess I'm the realist of the pair?), but his heart is in the right place, and that's all that matters.
This little bauble has changed everything.
The trip to Destin that started this path was wonderful and quirky and frustrating. It rained the entire time, save for a few moments where we could play some mini golf or walk along the beach. The drive to and from there took entirely too long, and there were a lot of very exasperating moments. But it has all been worth it. The millions of texts and e-mails soliciting wedding advice, assistance... Practicing signing my new name...The constant Facebook updates, and my loyal friends who like every post, just because it's something even remotely related to the wedding or to my relationship.
Strange how the travel agent and the event planner burst out of me during times like these. I've managed to come up with a lot of wedding stuff in a very short time. Somehow, though, the enjoyment level is waning. I'm hoping after tomorrow, I can not think about weddings for at least a few days. I wonder if that's possible. I do know that after these past several days, the planning is becoming stressful, and I know it's time to pause.
Since our engagement, I've definitely started to settle into our relationship. I'm beginning to understand his vocal and facial cues, know what to say to him, how to express my feelings. However, wedding planning has done nothing but made this process a lot more difficult. I'm constantly waiting on someone to call...constantly thinking about the next step...
How come he doesn't care that we need at least two more sets of linens?
Shouldn't he be excited I'm picking one of his favorite colors?
Why won't he listen to me when I say we need to get (*insert wedding task here*) done now?
Why these ridiculous thoughts have crossed my mind is beyond me, as they came from the same brain that also doesn't see the need to buy clothing more often than once a year.
Really, though, ever since I moved in, I've "forgotten" about my single life. About how sad or emotional I'd become around the holidays...how ridiculously lonely it felt to watch TV with noone to make random comments to. The only time I remember what it's like to be single is when I'm lying awake in bed, and I can't fall asleep, because there's someone next to me. A soft, cozy body pillow who happens to come with its own sleeping soundtrack. He keeps me awake at night, but at the same time, how nice it is to have someone to watch sleep if I have insomnia. Or someone who will instinctively snuggle closer to me if I turn.
Singlehood seems like ages ago. And I really don't miss it.
Of course, it's only been a few months. I heard about this whole seven-year itch thing....is that really true? Every once in a while, one of us will ask if we will get tired of each other. Despite my fiance's analytic brain, when it comes to us, he is ever the optimist. We will always be just as caring with one another as we are now. Even after many years of marriage....and maybe kids...and frustrating years on the job... Doesn't seem possible (I guess I'm the realist of the pair?), but his heart is in the right place, and that's all that matters.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
A New Grown-Up Adventure Awaits
It still seems a bit unreal. Perhaps when I start working again, it will finally hit me. I'm finally "on my own" again. It took 11 years to get back to this place. Of course, I have a lot of help from my amazing boyfriend. Without him, I don't think I would be able to get started so quickly.
I cannot believe it only took 8 months for my life to change forever. I did not realize blatant, harmless flirting would lead me to this point, but here I am. I am ready, but I am scared to death. It wasn't too long ago, I posted about the woes of long-distance dating, and how he and I were able to cope. I didn't realize until one week ago that we would be saying goodbye for the last time so soon.
 |
| Me and my guy at my birthday party in Feb. 2012. My last big gathering in my hometown. :) |
So I left all of the familiarity and comfort of home and ventured into a new city. I have to start all over and really put into action all of the "adult" things I've been putting off for years - like planning a wedding, buying a home, saving money in general. I have to go from eating food out almost every day to planning trips to the gym and planning meals at home.
It's daunting, because it's all happening at once. I think people expect me to be flipping cartwheels in excitement. Instead, I've been doing nothing but thinking, planning, jotting notes. There's no time for cartwheels. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, who manages to find many moments to pause and just look at me just for pure enjoyment, I'd probably be pulling my hair out. Ah, and Pinterest helps, too. :)
(In fact, my attention was diverted for a good 20 minutes just then looking at budget blogs, HA!)
What makes my guy also great is that he appreciates the little things. I folded a little bit of his laundry yesterday, and he told me this morning how much it meant to him. Who knows how long this beautiful attitude will last, so I have to soak it up as much as possible!
There are so many things I'd like to do, so I figured I would jot a few of them down now, and see how I progress in a year.
- I am so tired of bland employment reviews. I want to come up with something to revolutionize my new job and get an outstanding review!
- I want to get married, and do it in a way that saves money, but still honors my family and friends. It will be tough, but I have to do it for under $3,000 in order to be content. I just don't want to spend a lot when that money could be used elsewhere.
- I want to get a house with my man. Number 2 may need to be reduced in order for that to happen, but that's okay. Whatever sacrifices I have to make to have the home of my dreams with the man of my dreams, I will do.
- I'd like to make at least one good girlfriend here. One that I can depend on for a spontaneous evening out. I will still have my besties at home, but having one to spend time with here would be fantastic.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
"The Amazing Spider-Man"
Back in my MySpace days, I spent a lot of time talking and thinking about Spider-Man 3...of course, now that we know that in the whole of Marvel films, Spidey 3 was a bit of a failure, I do want to point out one thing. Way back when, it was my prediction that the fourth movie would have the Lizard as the villain...for totally different reasons (my guess) I am glad to say this is indeed the case for the reboot. I could not be happier.
Behold:
This trailer was released at midnight. If you have not already seen the teaser released last year, it is here:
A few opening thoughts:
If you are totally unfamiliar with Andrew Garfield, and have not already seen "The Social Network," I highly recommend viewing it. The movie as a whole is only mildly entertaining, but Garfield's performance in it is indeed very well done. If you have any reservations about Garfield's acting ability, that movie should quell those somewhat. I am already impressed with Garfield's NY accent, which Maguire did not really emphasize, and the general attitude of the character, which seems much snarkier. I'm also hoping some of the fight scenes and the scenes where Garfield is in costume are indications that he is slightly darker, perhaps a little more mentally conflicted.
If you aren't familiar with Emma Stone, please watch "Easy A". She was rightfully nominated for a Golden Globe for that performance. You may also want to see her in "Zombieland." Though I am only vaguely familiar with the Gwen Stacy character, I am quite certain she will do well in it.
Also worth noting is that Denis Leary is in it, which I also find very refreshing.
A few people have commented that the CGI for the Lizard does not really look very authentic, but I'm hoping that is just the case for the trailer and not for the movie itself. Regardless, Dr. Connors'/Lizard inclusion in the movie is a big win for fans of this series, as it is something all of us have been waiting to see happen for several years.
Like most people, rebooting a series when the original is so entrenched in our collective pop culture memory is already a bit of a downer. There were those who hated Maguire's version of Parker. However, I was a fan of it, and I grew to love the actors who played the series characters. So to see that end, despite the disappointment of Spider-Man 3 was a huge letdown for me as a fan.
With that said, the anticipation of the movie from watching the teaser and now the full trailer has increased tenfold. I still have my doubts, but this is shaping up to be an extraordinary summer movie season for comic flick geeks like myself, considering the recent trailer releases of The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises. (Click links for trailers!)
Please keep in mind, however, that I am more familiar with the 90s cartoon version of the series and not the comic, which this reboot is more closely following. Despite that, the original first episodes of the cartoon series featured Lizard, and I think the connection and friendship Parker has with Dr. Connors makes him one of my more favorite villains. I am really looking forward to seeing how they will entwine the mystery of Parker's parents into this one. This is an area that as a non-reader of the comics, I am completely unfamiliar with.
I am also unfamiliar with the Gwen Stacy story arc. I'm hoping that this blog will encourage readers who are fans of the comic, to enlighten me and other readers about why she was chosen instead of Mary Jane Watson. I will take the opportunity to further blog about this movie as the release date approaches and upon doing further research of the comics.
Behold:
This trailer was released at midnight. If you have not already seen the teaser released last year, it is here:
A few opening thoughts:
If you are totally unfamiliar with Andrew Garfield, and have not already seen "The Social Network," I highly recommend viewing it. The movie as a whole is only mildly entertaining, but Garfield's performance in it is indeed very well done. If you have any reservations about Garfield's acting ability, that movie should quell those somewhat. I am already impressed with Garfield's NY accent, which Maguire did not really emphasize, and the general attitude of the character, which seems much snarkier. I'm also hoping some of the fight scenes and the scenes where Garfield is in costume are indications that he is slightly darker, perhaps a little more mentally conflicted.
If you aren't familiar with Emma Stone, please watch "Easy A". She was rightfully nominated for a Golden Globe for that performance. You may also want to see her in "Zombieland." Though I am only vaguely familiar with the Gwen Stacy character, I am quite certain she will do well in it.
Also worth noting is that Denis Leary is in it, which I also find very refreshing.
A few people have commented that the CGI for the Lizard does not really look very authentic, but I'm hoping that is just the case for the trailer and not for the movie itself. Regardless, Dr. Connors'/Lizard inclusion in the movie is a big win for fans of this series, as it is something all of us have been waiting to see happen for several years.
Like most people, rebooting a series when the original is so entrenched in our collective pop culture memory is already a bit of a downer. There were those who hated Maguire's version of Parker. However, I was a fan of it, and I grew to love the actors who played the series characters. So to see that end, despite the disappointment of Spider-Man 3 was a huge letdown for me as a fan.
With that said, the anticipation of the movie from watching the teaser and now the full trailer has increased tenfold. I still have my doubts, but this is shaping up to be an extraordinary summer movie season for comic flick geeks like myself, considering the recent trailer releases of The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises. (Click links for trailers!)
Please keep in mind, however, that I am more familiar with the 90s cartoon version of the series and not the comic, which this reboot is more closely following. Despite that, the original first episodes of the cartoon series featured Lizard, and I think the connection and friendship Parker has with Dr. Connors makes him one of my more favorite villains. I am really looking forward to seeing how they will entwine the mystery of Parker's parents into this one. This is an area that as a non-reader of the comics, I am completely unfamiliar with.
I am also unfamiliar with the Gwen Stacy story arc. I'm hoping that this blog will encourage readers who are fans of the comic, to enlighten me and other readers about why she was chosen instead of Mary Jane Watson. I will take the opportunity to further blog about this movie as the release date approaches and upon doing further research of the comics.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thankfulness about the year so far...
I apologize. I'm sure most have you have forgotten that I even do a blog. Since I haven't decided to put ads on it, or make it something as part of my writing portfolio, I let it kind of die out. I hadn't had much to write about, either, as life has changed very little since my last post.
I'm very happy to say life has been much less hectic this year. With Mom's healing, things are going back to normal, and for this, I am eternally grateful.
Since we are pushing closer and closer to Thanksgiving, and it seems like tradition to write down for what you are most grateful, I decided to succomb and do one of my own.
1) My Mom - Not just the fact that she has survived breast cancer and back surgery, but she managed to go back to being her old self in the process. There have still been a lot of struggles, as expected, but this has been a much easier year on her and my family.
2) My Boyfriend - I think if you knew of my more private journal, you would really understand the woes that have befallen my love life. For the most part, I rushed into relationships, knowing full well this probably wasn't going to work, but would go for it anyway.
Today, I can finally say that I've found "The One." I've only known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years, and we've only been dating for about a month and a half, but it's really the first time I've ever met someone who meshes with me in a way that's comforting and not grating. He and I have both decided that we will be a part of each other's futures. Needless to say, this prospect frightens me, since we still have so much to learn about each other. But it has been such a sweet, fulfilling relationship so far. Hands down, he is the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time. He really does embody many of the qualities I outlined in my "man list."
3) My Job - Yes, I dislike it. Yes, it's absolutely not the kind of job I should be doing, but regardless I am grateful for the quiet and the pay and the folks I work with. Just really what I needed right now.
I encourage all of you to come up with your own lists of things to be grateful for and refer back to them when you can. :-)
I'm very happy to say life has been much less hectic this year. With Mom's healing, things are going back to normal, and for this, I am eternally grateful.
Since we are pushing closer and closer to Thanksgiving, and it seems like tradition to write down for what you are most grateful, I decided to succomb and do one of my own.
I Am Thankful For. . .
1) My Mom - Not just the fact that she has survived breast cancer and back surgery, but she managed to go back to being her old self in the process. There have still been a lot of struggles, as expected, but this has been a much easier year on her and my family.
2) My Boyfriend - I think if you knew of my more private journal, you would really understand the woes that have befallen my love life. For the most part, I rushed into relationships, knowing full well this probably wasn't going to work, but would go for it anyway.
Today, I can finally say that I've found "The One." I've only known him as an acquaintance for a couple of years, and we've only been dating for about a month and a half, but it's really the first time I've ever met someone who meshes with me in a way that's comforting and not grating. He and I have both decided that we will be a part of each other's futures. Needless to say, this prospect frightens me, since we still have so much to learn about each other. But it has been such a sweet, fulfilling relationship so far. Hands down, he is the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time. He really does embody many of the qualities I outlined in my "man list."
3) My Job - Yes, I dislike it. Yes, it's absolutely not the kind of job I should be doing, but regardless I am grateful for the quiet and the pay and the folks I work with. Just really what I needed right now.
I encourage all of you to come up with your own lists of things to be grateful for and refer back to them when you can. :-)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
How OkCupid Changed My Life....
Sadly, this is not a blog about meeting The One. I've only been on there a few weeks thanks to my friend Lindsey, but I have been very pleasantly surprised at the quality of people on there. Things have really changed since online dating began. I've come across profiles of several friends, so it's nice to know I'm not a wierdo anymore.
And that's where the life changing begins. The site allows you to create tests that are displayed on your profile. One of the most popular ones is the Enneagram test. I feel as though it takes the Meyers-Briggs personality test and takes it to a whole new level. It literally is just 2 questions, but it has revealed to me so much about my personality that I have been struggling with. For more on these nine different personality types, go to http://www.enneagramspectrum.com/.
For a moment, it feels almost like astrology - that when you read all of the personality types and you can see how you could fit into all of them. That made me a little skeptical, but it was interesting that they call it a spectrum because, like the color spectrum, one of the nine traits is like a color hue that shines brightly out of all the rest. As I took the test and read more about my personality (I'm a 4, "The Original/Unique/Sensitive Person"), I actually felt tears welling up in my eyes.
Here are some of the key points that I've learned about myself and hope that it gives you a bigger understanding as to who I am. I also encourage you to take the test and let me know if the results were as powerful for you as they were for me.
1) I value originality and beauty. What I love about myself and other people is that they are each unique and possess qualities that only they themselves have. One great phrase I loved is that I make the ordinary extraordinary (sometimes to my detriment) and the extraordinary ordinary. Other adjectives used to describe me were classy, refined and precious, which has its good and bad traits. I think this is one reason why I have such a diverse group of friends.
2) My biggest fear is my fear of rejection or abandonment. It actually pointed out that this can be triggered in childhood after a divorce. I was totally floored. I recognized a long time ago that was my biggest fear, but it was amazing to have it clearly pointed out to me. I am extremely sensitive and keenly attuned to my own flaws. I know myself very well, and if someone sees these flaws, I am disappointed to such an extreme level that I hide away. I loved one of the terms, "an aristocrat in exile." That is exactly how I feel a great deal of the time.
3) To overcompensate for being rejected, I try to do everything I can to be special - the one trait that kept being mentioned is that I live to make an impression on others so that I am unforgettable. I also tend to leave situations before I even have a chance to be rejected (like quitting before I get fired from a job!). It said that I analyze every single fleck of possible rejection from a person. Every movement, every word, every slight I can perceive as being abandoned or overlooked. I avoid rejection at all costs.
4) Because I see myself as unique, I also am riddled with envy. I absolutely do not want to be like everybody else, but at the same time, I see my uniqueness as flaws. I covet what others seem to attain so easily. Because I'm so aware and sensitive about the feelings of pain and suffering, I feel as though everyone else reacts better than I do to situations. One idea I loved from the Spectrum site is that I am keenly aware of every single flaw I have, and yet I see every single perfection in others. I will never be good enough because I'm tragically flawed. Wow. I mean, this is spot on. I fall into a hole of depression and suffering, whereas others move on with their lives.
5) I crave extremes. Being static is simply unacceptable. I hate being bored and always crave for the next exciting moment (even if it's a low moment). I think this explains my varied career history. Also, what shouted at me with the OkCupid test is that it actually said something I have told others almost verbatim: "Don't say I'm being overly sensitive or that I'm overreacting." I consider that a personal attack to my sensibilities.
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted - as my 4-ness dictates, I have been on what I consider a deep, personal, struggle. Now it seems I need to focus on being ordinary and using my sensitivity to appreciate the good things in life.
And that's where the life changing begins. The site allows you to create tests that are displayed on your profile. One of the most popular ones is the Enneagram test. I feel as though it takes the Meyers-Briggs personality test and takes it to a whole new level. It literally is just 2 questions, but it has revealed to me so much about my personality that I have been struggling with. For more on these nine different personality types, go to http://www.enneagramspectrum.com/.
For a moment, it feels almost like astrology - that when you read all of the personality types and you can see how you could fit into all of them. That made me a little skeptical, but it was interesting that they call it a spectrum because, like the color spectrum, one of the nine traits is like a color hue that shines brightly out of all the rest. As I took the test and read more about my personality (I'm a 4, "The Original/Unique/Sensitive Person"), I actually felt tears welling up in my eyes.
Here are some of the key points that I've learned about myself and hope that it gives you a bigger understanding as to who I am. I also encourage you to take the test and let me know if the results were as powerful for you as they were for me.
1) I value originality and beauty. What I love about myself and other people is that they are each unique and possess qualities that only they themselves have. One great phrase I loved is that I make the ordinary extraordinary (sometimes to my detriment) and the extraordinary ordinary. Other adjectives used to describe me were classy, refined and precious, which has its good and bad traits. I think this is one reason why I have such a diverse group of friends.
2) My biggest fear is my fear of rejection or abandonment. It actually pointed out that this can be triggered in childhood after a divorce. I was totally floored. I recognized a long time ago that was my biggest fear, but it was amazing to have it clearly pointed out to me. I am extremely sensitive and keenly attuned to my own flaws. I know myself very well, and if someone sees these flaws, I am disappointed to such an extreme level that I hide away. I loved one of the terms, "an aristocrat in exile." That is exactly how I feel a great deal of the time.
3) To overcompensate for being rejected, I try to do everything I can to be special - the one trait that kept being mentioned is that I live to make an impression on others so that I am unforgettable. I also tend to leave situations before I even have a chance to be rejected (like quitting before I get fired from a job!). It said that I analyze every single fleck of possible rejection from a person. Every movement, every word, every slight I can perceive as being abandoned or overlooked. I avoid rejection at all costs.
4) Because I see myself as unique, I also am riddled with envy. I absolutely do not want to be like everybody else, but at the same time, I see my uniqueness as flaws. I covet what others seem to attain so easily. Because I'm so aware and sensitive about the feelings of pain and suffering, I feel as though everyone else reacts better than I do to situations. One idea I loved from the Spectrum site is that I am keenly aware of every single flaw I have, and yet I see every single perfection in others. I will never be good enough because I'm tragically flawed. Wow. I mean, this is spot on. I fall into a hole of depression and suffering, whereas others move on with their lives.
5) I crave extremes. Being static is simply unacceptable. I hate being bored and always crave for the next exciting moment (even if it's a low moment). I think this explains my varied career history. Also, what shouted at me with the OkCupid test is that it actually said something I have told others almost verbatim: "Don't say I'm being overly sensitive or that I'm overreacting." I consider that a personal attack to my sensibilities.
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted - as my 4-ness dictates, I have been on what I consider a deep, personal, struggle. Now it seems I need to focus on being ordinary and using my sensitivity to appreciate the good things in life.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Lessons Learned From a Tough Year.
I've had the most difficult time putting words on paper lately, which is really weird for me. It's been a while since I've blogged, and I'm hoping this will inspire me to write a brilliant memorandum for my legal bibliography class.
Admittedly, 2010 was one of the most difficult years of my life. I haven't experienced this much turmoil and heartache in more than a decade. I was quite unprepared for it, but then again, all of life is a series of surprises that you must choose to deal with properly. Here are some lessons I've learned the hard way this year.
Lesson #1: I'm not every woman.
I learned this year that I have a difficult time handling multiple issues, people, responsibilities all at once. I'm understanding more and more about how my mind and body operate, and they do not enjoy being "on" constantly. It's a frustrating thing, because that is what a modern-day woman is all about: mastering the art of hat-switching, plate-juggling or whatever metaphor you choose to equate with having a lot going on. I think this is why newspaper journalism wasn't the right fit for me - I do not thrive under pressure. In fact, I can only handle small doses of it just to make it through the day without feeling like I'm falling apart. My life works best as simple and as uncomplicated as possible. It took a lot of effort to pry myself away from the things in my life that tended to only create negative stress and drama. I think I'm almost there. I'm not ashamed to admit now that adding two paralegal classes to full-time work and an increasingly smaller "social" schedule was pure madness! It is an error I will not re-commit in the future.
I can't say enough how much it amazes me that women can pile on the responsibility, especially (my now infamous phrase among girlfriends) "The Big 3" - house, hubby and kids - and still manage to walk out the door with eyeliner. Eye makeup?! That is amazing. Worthy of applause, I say. I can't even properly apply eyeliner on a good, stress-free day. If I can remember (or simply have the stamina) to wash my face every morning I'm doing great.
Lesson #2: It's okay to ask for help.
Over the years, I've realized how easy it is to lose yourself when you're a people-pleaser. You think you're doing okay until a mere acquaintance asks you the casual, "How are you today?" And instead of just giving them a "Pretty good" and a small smile, you tell them how you are really feeling. This is a sign that it's time to let go. Take the time to vent -- to yourself in a journal, a therapist, a pastor, or a friend who doesn't judge you when you have a pity party month instead of just a pity party day.
This summer, someone referred to me as a "selfish, self-centered bag of wind". Of course, such vile and immature language was said mainly because of a poor self-image and quite a bit of jealousy. And even though my loved ones insist that isn't who I am, it did give me pause. Often, I stop taking care of myself in order to be there for other people - the antithesis of a selfish person - but in doing so I found that eventually, it was difficult not to think of anything but myself. In being there for everyone, I had left myself behind. And the resentment from such behavior begins to seep out in ways that felt narcissistic. I had to step back and look at how and why I did the things I did - what my motives were. Was I doing certain activities because I really enjoyed them? Was I really doing enough for the people who care about me? Or was I going through the motions because it was comfortable or easier? I am taking more time to ask close friends and family how they are doing, instead of being caught up in endless self-reflection, as introverts tend to do.
Lesson 3: Accepting oneself isn't a one-time process.
Being an introverted perfectionist means constantly looking at my words and behavior and re-evaluating them in a way that's probably done me more harm than good. But at the same time, I've learned that all of the things that make me who I am: all of the awful qualities I'd like to change, and all of the good qualities I want to see more of, require I remain in a constant state of self-acceptance.
I will always get frustrated with my foot-in-mouth disease, my terrible long-term memory, my tendency to goof off when it's time to work hard, my delusions about romance, or my stubborn attitude when it comes to principles. Yes, it's mildly frustrating at best and devastating at worst that I haven't stumbled upon the right man who has truly accepted all of my quirks and old-fashioned tendencies. But in those moments of frustration, I should never remain angry at myself for being who I am. Somehow, underneath all of the ways that aggravate me and others the most, my loved ones find qualities about me they find endearing. It is indeed time I more frequently remember those qualities myself.
Admittedly, 2010 was one of the most difficult years of my life. I haven't experienced this much turmoil and heartache in more than a decade. I was quite unprepared for it, but then again, all of life is a series of surprises that you must choose to deal with properly. Here are some lessons I've learned the hard way this year.
Lesson #1: I'm not every woman.
I learned this year that I have a difficult time handling multiple issues, people, responsibilities all at once. I'm understanding more and more about how my mind and body operate, and they do not enjoy being "on" constantly. It's a frustrating thing, because that is what a modern-day woman is all about: mastering the art of hat-switching, plate-juggling or whatever metaphor you choose to equate with having a lot going on. I think this is why newspaper journalism wasn't the right fit for me - I do not thrive under pressure. In fact, I can only handle small doses of it just to make it through the day without feeling like I'm falling apart. My life works best as simple and as uncomplicated as possible. It took a lot of effort to pry myself away from the things in my life that tended to only create negative stress and drama. I think I'm almost there. I'm not ashamed to admit now that adding two paralegal classes to full-time work and an increasingly smaller "social" schedule was pure madness! It is an error I will not re-commit in the future.
I can't say enough how much it amazes me that women can pile on the responsibility, especially (my now infamous phrase among girlfriends) "The Big 3" - house, hubby and kids - and still manage to walk out the door with eyeliner. Eye makeup?! That is amazing. Worthy of applause, I say. I can't even properly apply eyeliner on a good, stress-free day. If I can remember (or simply have the stamina) to wash my face every morning I'm doing great.
Lesson #2: It's okay to ask for help.
Over the years, I've realized how easy it is to lose yourself when you're a people-pleaser. You think you're doing okay until a mere acquaintance asks you the casual, "How are you today?" And instead of just giving them a "Pretty good" and a small smile, you tell them how you are really feeling. This is a sign that it's time to let go. Take the time to vent -- to yourself in a journal, a therapist, a pastor, or a friend who doesn't judge you when you have a pity party month instead of just a pity party day.
This summer, someone referred to me as a "selfish, self-centered bag of wind". Of course, such vile and immature language was said mainly because of a poor self-image and quite a bit of jealousy. And even though my loved ones insist that isn't who I am, it did give me pause. Often, I stop taking care of myself in order to be there for other people - the antithesis of a selfish person - but in doing so I found that eventually, it was difficult not to think of anything but myself. In being there for everyone, I had left myself behind. And the resentment from such behavior begins to seep out in ways that felt narcissistic. I had to step back and look at how and why I did the things I did - what my motives were. Was I doing certain activities because I really enjoyed them? Was I really doing enough for the people who care about me? Or was I going through the motions because it was comfortable or easier? I am taking more time to ask close friends and family how they are doing, instead of being caught up in endless self-reflection, as introverts tend to do.
Lesson 3: Accepting oneself isn't a one-time process.
Being an introverted perfectionist means constantly looking at my words and behavior and re-evaluating them in a way that's probably done me more harm than good. But at the same time, I've learned that all of the things that make me who I am: all of the awful qualities I'd like to change, and all of the good qualities I want to see more of, require I remain in a constant state of self-acceptance.
I will always get frustrated with my foot-in-mouth disease, my terrible long-term memory, my tendency to goof off when it's time to work hard, my delusions about romance, or my stubborn attitude when it comes to principles. Yes, it's mildly frustrating at best and devastating at worst that I haven't stumbled upon the right man who has truly accepted all of my quirks and old-fashioned tendencies. But in those moments of frustration, I should never remain angry at myself for being who I am. Somehow, underneath all of the ways that aggravate me and others the most, my loved ones find qualities about me they find endearing. It is indeed time I more frequently remember those qualities myself.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
My Attention Deficit Disorder
While lying in bed, I was trying to envision the perfect excuse, the perfect illness that would suit my needs in order to call in sick….and then I woke up.
Yep. Early one morning, I had a dream I feigned an illness to stay home from work. Given that I’ve only been at my current job for about six months, and that I rarely remember dreams, this is not a good sign.
“Career ADD.” I’ve only been able to find one article that so succinctly defines the “condition” I have when it comes to work and, so it seems, even life in general. I ran across this article a while back, and its points were valid and painfully honest for someone like me. You can read it in its entirety here. I highly recommend it.
Basically it explains that people who are constantly dissatisfied and changing jobs have an internal conflict in their career expectations and satisfaction level. After a year, six months, even 90 days, there are people like me who always are looking for the next “honeymoon stage” in a job. And when that fades, it becomes increasingly difficult to stay satisfied and focused.
I don’t completely fit all of the qualifications for career ADD. The article suggests that a person with career ADD doesn’t have a defined career path, and I guess for a few years that was true. However, I’ve known for quite some time that I want to be an investigator, but previous efforts using traditional methods to land this kind of job have been fruitless. And with the economy, it has become more convenient to simply accept the first job that comes along rather than waiting for the opportunity that suits me best.
Of course, the older you get, the more you understand and experience life. I’ve had to come to grips with the unpleasant parts of me I must change in order to live a more fulfilled life. Part of that is my expectation level – for me, my job, my family and my friends. What I’m beginning to see is that it’s more than about having unrealistic expectations or setting the bar too high. It’s about how I feel when I or someone else falls short of these expectations. It’s not as though I’m just now realizing that humans are flawed and will always disappoint you. The problem is that unbelievable pain I experience when I inevitably descend from the unattainable and high pedestal that I’ve placed my job, myself or my loved ones.
My God, how it hurts.
This is why I’m always so self-deprecating – it’s because despite all of my past successes in life, my current failures are always at the forefront of my mind. This is why I’m so unusually devastated when a friend hurts me or does something that contradicts what I think a friend is supposed to do. This is why I always feel so unchallenged or (worse) inadequate at the jobs I take, and why when something bad happens or if I’m reprimanded, my first instinct is to quit.
It’s true – my closest friends and family know that I’ve always managed to see my way out of problems. No matter what comes my way, no matter how insurmountable or tragic the circumstances I face, I’ve always been able to dust myself off and move on – to a new job, new relationships, or to my next big idea. But I think it will take me a long time to soften the stinging blow I feel when things don’t go according to plan or when that pedestal crumbles.
Yep. Early one morning, I had a dream I feigned an illness to stay home from work. Given that I’ve only been at my current job for about six months, and that I rarely remember dreams, this is not a good sign.
“Career ADD.” I’ve only been able to find one article that so succinctly defines the “condition” I have when it comes to work and, so it seems, even life in general. I ran across this article a while back, and its points were valid and painfully honest for someone like me. You can read it in its entirety here. I highly recommend it.
Basically it explains that people who are constantly dissatisfied and changing jobs have an internal conflict in their career expectations and satisfaction level. After a year, six months, even 90 days, there are people like me who always are looking for the next “honeymoon stage” in a job. And when that fades, it becomes increasingly difficult to stay satisfied and focused.
I don’t completely fit all of the qualifications for career ADD. The article suggests that a person with career ADD doesn’t have a defined career path, and I guess for a few years that was true. However, I’ve known for quite some time that I want to be an investigator, but previous efforts using traditional methods to land this kind of job have been fruitless. And with the economy, it has become more convenient to simply accept the first job that comes along rather than waiting for the opportunity that suits me best.
Of course, the older you get, the more you understand and experience life. I’ve had to come to grips with the unpleasant parts of me I must change in order to live a more fulfilled life. Part of that is my expectation level – for me, my job, my family and my friends. What I’m beginning to see is that it’s more than about having unrealistic expectations or setting the bar too high. It’s about how I feel when I or someone else falls short of these expectations. It’s not as though I’m just now realizing that humans are flawed and will always disappoint you. The problem is that unbelievable pain I experience when I inevitably descend from the unattainable and high pedestal that I’ve placed my job, myself or my loved ones.
My God, how it hurts.
This is why I’m always so self-deprecating – it’s because despite all of my past successes in life, my current failures are always at the forefront of my mind. This is why I’m so unusually devastated when a friend hurts me or does something that contradicts what I think a friend is supposed to do. This is why I always feel so unchallenged or (worse) inadequate at the jobs I take, and why when something bad happens or if I’m reprimanded, my first instinct is to quit.
It’s true – my closest friends and family know that I’ve always managed to see my way out of problems. No matter what comes my way, no matter how insurmountable or tragic the circumstances I face, I’ve always been able to dust myself off and move on – to a new job, new relationships, or to my next big idea. But I think it will take me a long time to soften the stinging blow I feel when things don’t go according to plan or when that pedestal crumbles.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
On Staying Busy & Being Myself
It really is incredible how much activity you can fit into your life if you really try hard enough. About 10 years ago, if I had known exactly what I would have been up to in 2010, I would have laughed in disbelief.
Currently, I'm working full-time, taking two paralegal classes and am very involved in a woman's club. I also have a lot of really great friends and acquaintances that I enjoy spending time with and a family who needs me now more than any other time in my life. Writing that down, it just doesn't seem like a lot. But we all know that I wear myself out most days. I have to force myself to stay home in the evenings, even during weekdays, because there's always something going on.
Working women know exactly what I'm talking about! It's just how we are. In fact, I get angry with myself that other women my age can juggle all of that and much more. The Big Three, as I call them: a house, a husband and kids or some combination of the three. But I get so stressed just from the personal responsibilities I have. I'm doing well if I walk out the door with a clean and moisturized face. I can only imagine having to feed and clothe someone else...and then take care of a child too! ;) This undue stress that I put on myself doesn't always make sense to me, but that's how it is at the moment. However, for the most part, I'm living the twenty-something life in terms of responsibilities, but with a thirty-something's mind and body. Let that simmer for a moment. :)
I am a "Jane of all social circles and a mistress of none." Though by nature I am an introvert and tend to thrive and "recharge" when I'm alone, I run with a lot of different groups and get along well with different types of people. However, I don't consider myself as the It Girl. I'm usually behind the scenes with a loud guffaw and something really silly or snarky to say. But I've never been the popular one in a group. Don't know why that is. For the most part, it's because I'm having to force myself to be more outgoing and it doesn't always work.
I also try very hard not to fall into what I've dubbed the "chameleon trap." I like being completely and totally myself with different people, and that often means being painfully honest. I try to live my life with politeness and tact, but if I don't like something, you will know it almost immediately. That tends to push away people who don't know me very well, and I hate that, but that's how it is. I also hate it when I feel that I have to act and be a certain way in order to fit in. Fitting is what we did back in middle and high school. I'm a grown-up now, my own person, but it's tough to remember that.
That's why I take it so personally when other people don't like me. Many people can just say, "Ah, it's okay. If they don't like me, so what?" I don't think I will ever be this way, at least not fully. Sure, as time passes, the hurt and the awkwardness goes away somewhat. But it truly does bother me when other folks don't like me -- even if the reasons are frivolous. Why? I am a people pleaser. I want to make others happy constantly at the expense of my own happiness (and also sanity). The phrase, "You can't save everyone" has been said to me several times this summer.
My overactive brain is the primary reason why I keep busy. I have the most colorful and vivid imagination - for better or for worse. Once I enter into a new situation, within seconds, I've come up with about three different scenarios that could possibly happen - some are positive and others are not-so positive. I have to keep active, because when I'm idle, I have way too much time to think. And because I'm a perfectionist, I spend most of my time thinking about all of the things that are "wrong" in my life....
And, yes, it is a great personality trait to always want to live better and be a better person. But a true perfectionist like myself can also be seen, especially on the outset, as spoiled, lazy, aloof, absent-minded and cluttered. I often don't even begin a task, let alone finish it, unless I know I will do it exactly right, complete the task in one sitting and have the perfect frame of mind. That means there's always a lot of things that don't get done. I have to remind myself constantly that even just doing one small part of a task is an accomplishment or that I have to work through something even if I'm grumpy or exhausted.
So how busy are you? Do you keep your life simple or constantly full of activity? Let me know I'm not alone!
Currently, I'm working full-time, taking two paralegal classes and am very involved in a woman's club. I also have a lot of really great friends and acquaintances that I enjoy spending time with and a family who needs me now more than any other time in my life. Writing that down, it just doesn't seem like a lot. But we all know that I wear myself out most days. I have to force myself to stay home in the evenings, even during weekdays, because there's always something going on.
Working women know exactly what I'm talking about! It's just how we are. In fact, I get angry with myself that other women my age can juggle all of that and much more. The Big Three, as I call them: a house, a husband and kids or some combination of the three. But I get so stressed just from the personal responsibilities I have. I'm doing well if I walk out the door with a clean and moisturized face. I can only imagine having to feed and clothe someone else...and then take care of a child too! ;) This undue stress that I put on myself doesn't always make sense to me, but that's how it is at the moment. However, for the most part, I'm living the twenty-something life in terms of responsibilities, but with a thirty-something's mind and body. Let that simmer for a moment. :)
I am a "Jane of all social circles and a mistress of none." Though by nature I am an introvert and tend to thrive and "recharge" when I'm alone, I run with a lot of different groups and get along well with different types of people. However, I don't consider myself as the It Girl. I'm usually behind the scenes with a loud guffaw and something really silly or snarky to say. But I've never been the popular one in a group. Don't know why that is. For the most part, it's because I'm having to force myself to be more outgoing and it doesn't always work.
I also try very hard not to fall into what I've dubbed the "chameleon trap." I like being completely and totally myself with different people, and that often means being painfully honest. I try to live my life with politeness and tact, but if I don't like something, you will know it almost immediately. That tends to push away people who don't know me very well, and I hate that, but that's how it is. I also hate it when I feel that I have to act and be a certain way in order to fit in. Fitting is what we did back in middle and high school. I'm a grown-up now, my own person, but it's tough to remember that.
That's why I take it so personally when other people don't like me. Many people can just say, "Ah, it's okay. If they don't like me, so what?" I don't think I will ever be this way, at least not fully. Sure, as time passes, the hurt and the awkwardness goes away somewhat. But it truly does bother me when other folks don't like me -- even if the reasons are frivolous. Why? I am a people pleaser. I want to make others happy constantly at the expense of my own happiness (and also sanity). The phrase, "You can't save everyone" has been said to me several times this summer.
My overactive brain is the primary reason why I keep busy. I have the most colorful and vivid imagination - for better or for worse. Once I enter into a new situation, within seconds, I've come up with about three different scenarios that could possibly happen - some are positive and others are not-so positive. I have to keep active, because when I'm idle, I have way too much time to think. And because I'm a perfectionist, I spend most of my time thinking about all of the things that are "wrong" in my life....
And, yes, it is a great personality trait to always want to live better and be a better person. But a true perfectionist like myself can also be seen, especially on the outset, as spoiled, lazy, aloof, absent-minded and cluttered. I often don't even begin a task, let alone finish it, unless I know I will do it exactly right, complete the task in one sitting and have the perfect frame of mind. That means there's always a lot of things that don't get done. I have to remind myself constantly that even just doing one small part of a task is an accomplishment or that I have to work through something even if I'm grumpy or exhausted.
So how busy are you? Do you keep your life simple or constantly full of activity? Let me know I'm not alone!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
On Loyalty and "Social Hierarchy"
Since all of my Facebook friends know precisely what I did over the July 4th weekend, I figured I'd go back to a topic that's been on my mind lately: friendship.
As I have blogged before, I understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. Out of all of the social circles I run with, I can only truly depend on less than a dozen people for emotional and other types of support. The limits of my patience regarding friendship has really been tested lately, and I suppose extreme adversity of late has something to do with that.
I first started thinking about this "hierarchy" in a facetious way with one of my best friends. To put it simply, I am fiercely loyal. If you and I have been good friends for at least a year, and another person that I don't know as well or is just an acquaintance does anything demeaning or awful to that person, I'm no longer their friend either online or offline. Period. No questions asked. This includes breakups romantically and otherwise. I defriend them on Facebook, and I no longer speak to them unless spoken to.
The only time I don't do this is if they are two friends that are on relatively "equal" standing. That is, I've known both of them for a really long time, and I care about both of them on nearly the same level. In that case, I do my best to mediate the situation. If that isn't possible, I try to remain friends with both parties and never bring up the topic unless they do so first.
There are a couple of problems with this. The main problem is that I care about a lot of people, and I've come to realize that these people don't care about me as much as I care about them. That has been extraordinarily difficult to take, but I'm learning slowly. This leads to my next problem: that I expect this same kind of loyalty from all of my friends, and I don't always get that. However, everyone's loyalties work differently than mine. All of you know I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, so I can spare losing a few here or there. It just seems that lately I've lost quite a few friends and, honestly, it has been nothing short of devastating.
On a brighter note, when it's time to let loose or have a little fun I'm much more flexible. Usually, it's "first come first served." If several friends ask me out on the same day, 99% of the time I go with whoever asks me first. I only make exceptions for special occasions like birthdays or showers. Those usually trump requests that may come before it.
It seems so simple, really. I wish more folks dealt with relationships this way, but I guess most people don't float with as many groups as I do. I hope this clears things up!
As I have blogged before, I understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. Out of all of the social circles I run with, I can only truly depend on less than a dozen people for emotional and other types of support. The limits of my patience regarding friendship has really been tested lately, and I suppose extreme adversity of late has something to do with that.
I first started thinking about this "hierarchy" in a facetious way with one of my best friends. To put it simply, I am fiercely loyal. If you and I have been good friends for at least a year, and another person that I don't know as well or is just an acquaintance does anything demeaning or awful to that person, I'm no longer their friend either online or offline. Period. No questions asked. This includes breakups romantically and otherwise. I defriend them on Facebook, and I no longer speak to them unless spoken to.
The only time I don't do this is if they are two friends that are on relatively "equal" standing. That is, I've known both of them for a really long time, and I care about both of them on nearly the same level. In that case, I do my best to mediate the situation. If that isn't possible, I try to remain friends with both parties and never bring up the topic unless they do so first.
There are a couple of problems with this. The main problem is that I care about a lot of people, and I've come to realize that these people don't care about me as much as I care about them. That has been extraordinarily difficult to take, but I'm learning slowly. This leads to my next problem: that I expect this same kind of loyalty from all of my friends, and I don't always get that. However, everyone's loyalties work differently than mine. All of you know I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, so I can spare losing a few here or there. It just seems that lately I've lost quite a few friends and, honestly, it has been nothing short of devastating.
On a brighter note, when it's time to let loose or have a little fun I'm much more flexible. Usually, it's "first come first served." If several friends ask me out on the same day, 99% of the time I go with whoever asks me first. I only make exceptions for special occasions like birthdays or showers. Those usually trump requests that may come before it.
It seems so simple, really. I wish more folks dealt with relationships this way, but I guess most people don't float with as many groups as I do. I hope this clears things up!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Forever To Thee.
For the record, I only had a chance to see part of the 3rd, 7th and 11th innings (before they scored :( ) of the USC/UCLA game in which USC clinched their first national baseball championship. In fact, I've hardly watched any of USC's journey to Omaha this season. Life has been so busy and crazy these past few months. I've been purposely keeping myself busy since Mom had major back surgery and was diagnosed with breast cancer. I suppose I've re-ordered my priorities and am spending a lot more time enjoying myself and staying in constant contact with my family. (Even if I'm not always home right after work. :) )
I've only been to one USC baseball game at their old stadium and one at their new stadium. Crazy, right? I've never, however, been a fairweather fan. Since I was a child, I always used USC spring sports, particularly baseball, as my Gamecocks "comfort food." Whenever we had a disappointing football or basketball season, I would always say "Well, at least we still do well in baseball."
So it's absolutely no surprise to me that our baseball team was the first out of the "big 3" to give us a national championship title.
(Of course, I'm not a fairweather fan as I am a proud graduate of USC's journalism school and was so excited to graduate in their bicentennial year, 2001, which also happens to be one of our fight themes. The bicentennial is noted on my degree that I'm gazing upon right now. I've also been working at USC for the past three months and love it. But that's besides the point.)
This reminded me of my earlier sentiments you may have seen on Facebook. I've always had a special place in my heart for college sports. Indeed, it has its moments of insanity and disappointment, but these men and women play with heart. You don't always get that same kind of emotion out of professional sports, and it's because many professional athletes treat their job like...well, a job. They play to get paid and that's about it. I read that professional soccer players don't have the same salaries as those in baseball, basketball or football and that it shows. I tend to agree. You don't always appreciate what is given to you freely.
Many athletes treat their talent like the gift that it is and treasure it and, unfortunately, some don't. It's sad to hear less news about the positive things athletes have done and more news about the shenanigans of those who flaunt their talent and wealth and use it for despicable purposes.
So to see the South Carolina baseball team consistently work extremely hard for the past couple of decades and stay in the headlines for their achievements is amazing. As a lifelong Gamecock, it's simply the most amazing thing to see.
"Here's a health Carolina/Forever to thee"
I've only been to one USC baseball game at their old stadium and one at their new stadium. Crazy, right? I've never, however, been a fairweather fan. Since I was a child, I always used USC spring sports, particularly baseball, as my Gamecocks "comfort food." Whenever we had a disappointing football or basketball season, I would always say "Well, at least we still do well in baseball."
So it's absolutely no surprise to me that our baseball team was the first out of the "big 3" to give us a national championship title.
(Of course, I'm not a fairweather fan as I am a proud graduate of USC's journalism school and was so excited to graduate in their bicentennial year, 2001, which also happens to be one of our fight themes. The bicentennial is noted on my degree that I'm gazing upon right now. I've also been working at USC for the past three months and love it. But that's besides the point.)
This reminded me of my earlier sentiments you may have seen on Facebook. I've always had a special place in my heart for college sports. Indeed, it has its moments of insanity and disappointment, but these men and women play with heart. You don't always get that same kind of emotion out of professional sports, and it's because many professional athletes treat their job like...well, a job. They play to get paid and that's about it. I read that professional soccer players don't have the same salaries as those in baseball, basketball or football and that it shows. I tend to agree. You don't always appreciate what is given to you freely.
Many athletes treat their talent like the gift that it is and treasure it and, unfortunately, some don't. It's sad to hear less news about the positive things athletes have done and more news about the shenanigans of those who flaunt their talent and wealth and use it for despicable purposes.
So to see the South Carolina baseball team consistently work extremely hard for the past couple of decades and stay in the headlines for their achievements is amazing. As a lifelong Gamecock, it's simply the most amazing thing to see.
"Here's a health Carolina/Forever to thee"
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Circles of Friends
Not everyone can be your friend. This is a truth that takes many years to understand. "There's plenty of people who don't like me / But ten times more who love me / And I love myself". These are lyrics from "Happy Face" by Destiny's Child. The title makes the song sound completely juvenile, but there's some nuggets of wisdom in there. Click here to listen to it in its entirety. It's lyrically a very uplifting song (if you can get over the Beyonce pseudo-operatic ad-libbing).
Juggling a wide range of friends is extremely difficult. I am very proud to say that all of my Facebook friends (yes, all 417 of them) are people that I actually know. We all know I'm addicted to Facebook, but I don't just accept anyone as a friend. That FB phrase "accept as friend" is pretty powerful. What you are doing is letting someone into your life in a public way.
I think that's why it always bothers me when I hear friends tell me secondhand that someone is bothered by something I say or do on FB. I never just post anything online without thinking very, very carefully about it first. I don't think many people really understand that. If I post it, then I really want you to know about it. And if you don't like it, then you should be mature enough to express that to me.
But enough of that soapbox. What I tend to forget is that I have different levels of friends. I have lots of acquaintances and dozens of people that I really love hanging out with on a regular basis. (Ooo, shameless plug alert.) There are my Junior Woman's Club gals, my karaoke buddies, friends from previous jobs, old classmates, City Year friends and my lovably geeky gang of friends I've known for about 11 years.
There are maybe a handful of people out of those groups that I know I can call on at any time and they will be available (either physically, emotionally or both) to help me in any way. I hope all of you have at least one person in your life who's like that. I'm extremely blessed to have people I know I can count on, especially when I'm experiencing a difficult period of such magnitude, I can't possibly handle it on my own. Last week was one of those times, and I don't think I could have survived without them.
So here's to you -- buddies, acquaintances and friends. I appreciate having each and every one of you in my life.
Juggling a wide range of friends is extremely difficult. I am very proud to say that all of my Facebook friends (yes, all 417 of them) are people that I actually know. We all know I'm addicted to Facebook, but I don't just accept anyone as a friend. That FB phrase "accept as friend" is pretty powerful. What you are doing is letting someone into your life in a public way.
I think that's why it always bothers me when I hear friends tell me secondhand that someone is bothered by something I say or do on FB. I never just post anything online without thinking very, very carefully about it first. I don't think many people really understand that. If I post it, then I really want you to know about it. And if you don't like it, then you should be mature enough to express that to me.
But enough of that soapbox. What I tend to forget is that I have different levels of friends. I have lots of acquaintances and dozens of people that I really love hanging out with on a regular basis. (Ooo, shameless plug alert.) There are my Junior Woman's Club gals, my karaoke buddies, friends from previous jobs, old classmates, City Year friends and my lovably geeky gang of friends I've known for about 11 years.
There are maybe a handful of people out of those groups that I know I can call on at any time and they will be available (either physically, emotionally or both) to help me in any way. I hope all of you have at least one person in your life who's like that. I'm extremely blessed to have people I know I can count on, especially when I'm experiencing a difficult period of such magnitude, I can't possibly handle it on my own. Last week was one of those times, and I don't think I could have survived without them.
So here's to you -- buddies, acquaintances and friends. I appreciate having each and every one of you in my life.
Friday, May 28, 2010
My Walk For Life
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer this week, and I need your prayers, thoughts and support! I'm doing the Palmetto Health Foundation Walk For Life in October, which supports breast cancer awareness.
Please check out my Palmetto Health Foundation Walk For Life page and consider donating today!
Thanks and much love to my followers. :) Mom is doing fabulous and she will have a very successful treatment. I will update my blog more as things progress.
W
Please check out my Palmetto Health Foundation Walk For Life page and consider donating today!
Thanks and much love to my followers. :) Mom is doing fabulous and she will have a very successful treatment. I will update my blog more as things progress.
W
Friday, May 21, 2010
Pain Before Beauty
"Pain must come before beauty" is a phrase I used in an old high school newspaper column about growing up in my old salon on Main Street. It refers to the time and energy it takes to get my hair looking halfway decent. In the spirit of the Chris Rock documentary "Good Hair," which I hope to rent and review on here later, I wanted to give everyone a play-by-play of what it takes to have a "good hair day," particularly if you are a woman of color and have thick, coarse hair.
Pregaming: I went to Wal-Mart last night to pick up a nice, new blowdryer, only to realize that the blowdryers are kept not with other hair products, but with random small appliances. Before I get any anti-Wal-Mart folks out there, this was a last resort as it was very late and Sally's Beauty was closed.
Carpet cleaners and hair dryers? Really, Wally World?
TOOLS:
- Paul Mitchell tea tree oil shampoo (generic): Used to treat my flaky scalp condition. It smells minty and makes me feel all tingly.
- Infusion 23 Shampoo: Good all over hair cleansing and conditioning
- Infusium 23 Leave-in Treatment: Good alternative to normal conditioner
- Aveda Brilliant Emollient Finishing Gloss: My family and I refer to this as the "Johnny smell" because my old stylist uses it as a finishing product and it smells amazing. Adds shine
- Blow-dryer with detangling comb attachment: A must for thick hair
- Flat iron: It curls the ends much like a regular curling iron, but smooths out the hair at the same time.
Since no straightening was involved, I decided to do it myself. Here's the play-by-play:
6:30 a.m.: Since I have a scalp condition (my doctor boss referred to the "cradle cap" that children get), I decided to spend a few minutes in the mirror combing and brushing my scalp. It loosens up the flakiness and prepares my scalp for the shampoo. My arms are already sore and I have barely begun! Then the shampooing process begins. I wet my hair in the shower and apply the tea tree shampoo into individual sections in my hair.
It doesn't lather very well so I had to use a brush to make sure it got deep into my roots. Otherwise, you run the risk of just cleaning the hair and not the scalp. This is the most common problem I have with most professional beauticians, even ones who know my hair. The only person who can really ever get my scalp clean is dear old Mom, and that's because she takes time to shampoo and rinse my hair multiple times in small sections.
6:45 a.m.: After rinsing, the next phase of shampooing begins. I used the Infusium shampoo all over my hair and scalp. It lathers up really nicely and feels great!
7:00 a.m.: I use the Infusium leave-in treatment in small spurts all over my hair and attempt to detangle with a new comb. If I'm having a difficult go of it, I just add more treatment, even though you shouldn't use that much. 
7:10 a.m.: The arduous drying process begins. Thankfully, I had a great new hair dryer that dries your hair more quickly and conditions it, so it wasn't nearly as horrible as it normally is. The best way to dry it is in sections, starting at the bottom and then working my way through the extra-thick middle of my head.7:40 a.m: My hair is quite dry but bone straight! It's then time to style and curl my hair. I do it in small pieces starting on the left side and working my way to the middle, then I curl and comb the other side. It has become the easiest part of the process, because I do it so frequently.
8 a.m.: I'm all finished! I took my time, so it ended up taking a little bit longer than it normally does. I add the finishing gloss and I'm ready to finish preparing for my day. It came out a ton better than in the past, and I think it's mostly because of my newer products and I'm getting a little more used to the process.
Hope you enjoyed this play by play. Let me know what it takes to get yourself dolled up.
Monday, May 17, 2010
On "Poria"
Before you click back to Facebook or YouTube, this blog is not a science lesson about the beetle, the fungus or the crustacean all known as "poria." (Thanks Wikipedia!) Rather, it's something of an English lesson. That's because "poria" is the only word you can create from the word "appreciation". That is, if you take out the letters that spell "patience."
I was playing around with words and letters today when I realized that you literally cannot spell appreciation without patience. Appreciation is defined as "an expression of admiration, approval or gratitude." I think that to reap bountiful, personal rewards from that word, you should replace the "or" in the definition with "and."
Alright, enough of the wordplay for now. Everyone always says that patience is a virtue. Well, I humbly submit that patience is much more than that. Patience is a skill. Just like many other personality traits, patience is something that we aren't born with. It is a virtue that is learned. We don't always think about it, but we are born 100% selfish. I guess you could say we were born with a basic survival instinct. When we are babies, all we care about is that we are comforted and fed. That's it. We don't care if Mom or Dad is tired of 2 a.m. feedings or that your Aunt Joan is convinced you have your father's eyes. We just care about ourselves, and that's how it should be.
So clearly "patience" and "appreciation" are two abstract terms we know nothing about until we are much older. And besides having most of the same letters, these words are not mutually exclusive when it comes to people. In order to have true appreciation for someone in our lives, we often have to exhibit an inordinate amount of patience with them.
For me, this weekend was a true lesson in these words. Besides taking care of my Mom while she was recovering from surgery this week, I'm learning to appreciate other loved ones. I have learned that there are amazing people who have come into my life only temporarily. That is an extremely difficult thing to accept, especially when you have grown up with most of the same family and friends all of your life. It will be hard to let people go and to have the patience to await their return.
Who do you appreciate? (*cue the cheer*) How have you learned patience with them?
I was playing around with words and letters today when I realized that you literally cannot spell appreciation without patience. Appreciation is defined as "an expression of admiration, approval or gratitude." I think that to reap bountiful, personal rewards from that word, you should replace the "or" in the definition with "and."
Alright, enough of the wordplay for now. Everyone always says that patience is a virtue. Well, I humbly submit that patience is much more than that. Patience is a skill. Just like many other personality traits, patience is something that we aren't born with. It is a virtue that is learned. We don't always think about it, but we are born 100% selfish. I guess you could say we were born with a basic survival instinct. When we are babies, all we care about is that we are comforted and fed. That's it. We don't care if Mom or Dad is tired of 2 a.m. feedings or that your Aunt Joan is convinced you have your father's eyes. We just care about ourselves, and that's how it should be.
So clearly "patience" and "appreciation" are two abstract terms we know nothing about until we are much older. And besides having most of the same letters, these words are not mutually exclusive when it comes to people. In order to have true appreciation for someone in our lives, we often have to exhibit an inordinate amount of patience with them.
For me, this weekend was a true lesson in these words. Besides taking care of my Mom while she was recovering from surgery this week, I'm learning to appreciate other loved ones. I have learned that there are amazing people who have come into my life only temporarily. That is an extremely difficult thing to accept, especially when you have grown up with most of the same family and friends all of your life. It will be hard to let people go and to have the patience to await their return.
Who do you appreciate? (*cue the cheer*) How have you learned patience with them?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Living in the Future
I've heard many times it's very dangerous to live in the past, but what about living in the future? I would consider that a step above simply "predicting" the future. Living in the future involves completely immersing yourself in possible scenarios that may or may not actually happen. The problem is pretty obvious - we have absolutely no idea what will happen even 30 seconds from now. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we try to live in the future.
Because I'm a Christian, I believe that no matter what we choose in life, if we are on God's path, He will lead us in the right direction. Not because He wants to control our lives, but because He knows what's absolutely best for us. It boils down to the simple premise that no matter what happens, life will turn out exactly as it should. It's just a matter of timing.
There are a lot of areas in my life that I struggle with on a minute-ly basis - relationships, finances, my career path. But when I look back on what has changed and what has become of me, I understand that I am precisely where I need to be right now. How quickly I get to my proper destination is up to the choices I make, but I will get there eventually. I find this especially true when it comes to dating. I waver between waiting to find the "perfect guy" and simply dating a great guy until I'm ready to be alone. As I blogged previously, right now I'm leaning to the latter of those options.
My Mom always warns me to never "waste my time" when it comes to dating, and I tend to agree with her. It's often better to just be single than to be with someone temporarily who isn't right for you and be hurt or hurt someone else when it ends. And it always ends.
Maybe it's because I'm secretly competitive or that I'm openly optimistic, but I am never willing to give up on something until I have absolutely no other options. What I've learned is that with every person I meet, I discover the things about a relationship that I desire and the things that I can't handle. It's impossible to learn what you want if you always avoid the arduous problem-solving in the first place.
Every aspect of life is like that. You have to walk through it in order to come out on the other side actually learning the proper lesson.
Do you agree?
Because I'm a Christian, I believe that no matter what we choose in life, if we are on God's path, He will lead us in the right direction. Not because He wants to control our lives, but because He knows what's absolutely best for us. It boils down to the simple premise that no matter what happens, life will turn out exactly as it should. It's just a matter of timing.
There are a lot of areas in my life that I struggle with on a minute-ly basis - relationships, finances, my career path. But when I look back on what has changed and what has become of me, I understand that I am precisely where I need to be right now. How quickly I get to my proper destination is up to the choices I make, but I will get there eventually. I find this especially true when it comes to dating. I waver between waiting to find the "perfect guy" and simply dating a great guy until I'm ready to be alone. As I blogged previously, right now I'm leaning to the latter of those options.
My Mom always warns me to never "waste my time" when it comes to dating, and I tend to agree with her. It's often better to just be single than to be with someone temporarily who isn't right for you and be hurt or hurt someone else when it ends. And it always ends.
Maybe it's because I'm secretly competitive or that I'm openly optimistic, but I am never willing to give up on something until I have absolutely no other options. What I've learned is that with every person I meet, I discover the things about a relationship that I desire and the things that I can't handle. It's impossible to learn what you want if you always avoid the arduous problem-solving in the first place.
Every aspect of life is like that. You have to walk through it in order to come out on the other side actually learning the proper lesson.
Do you agree?
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